curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Totally Rambling

Well it's lunch time and I'm hungry that's good news. Yesterday was the first day I ate lunch in 3 days. This doesn't seem abnormal but if you knew me - yah it is. Today I may even eat something healthy - it's a frozen meal, rice and chicken or something like that. It's been in the freezer for 3 days. I don't want to come out and say things are going well cause I'm afraid of jinxing it. I'm not even normally a supersticious (sp?) person but I need all the help I can get in the love department. Yesterday when I left work I was on top of the world. I don't know I just felt that 'hey no matter what happens, I'm gonna survive'. It was a moment. But it felt damn good to have that moment. This journal is becoming addictive. I want to write as soon as I get into work but the only somewhat free time I have is at noon when I'm answering phones. I have a paper journal at home but I only write in it when I'm really upset or really happy. It takes so freakin' long to hand write things! Did I mention that Tuesday night I got 11 hours of sleep - yah 11! Last night only 7. Me and J ordered some You Don't Know Jack games (more for me than him) but last night we played a round even though it was way past my bed time. It's a fun game let me tell ya. Even though the majority of the questions leave me scratching my head. Of course I have to mention something about J. Last night we went to exchange a shirt I bought him for a larger size. It was a 'club shirt' and it was cool. Then we stopped a moment and he looked at different tongue rings (he has one). And it's like it just hit me how different we are. He's so I don't know cool. Hip? I feel like....well the opposite of hip. Like I should be walking beside him with my cain and buying some ben gay...I don't know why I feel this way but it scared me. Maybe this is why I believe a break up may occur because he'll realize how lame a girlfriend he has. But don't worry I won't go down easily, I plan on fighting back. I can be in style, I mean I'm still under 30 (by a few years at least). And even if I can't fit into those teeny tiny clothes the girls wear now, I can still find some cool clothes to fit me...somewhere! I mean I'm not totally hopeless - I hope. This weekend we're having a b-day party for J and my best friend and I plan on going out at lunch to find something totally hip and happening. Unfortunatley, we don't have many of those kind of stores in good ol' downtown. But regardless I will fight to the death! I really hope this 'tickle' in my throat is just that. If I get sick before the long weekend I am going to be so pissed. It's happened before. Why? Because I have bad luck. Okay so this entry isn't all that cheerful but at least I'm not talking about crying. I got my very first email from someone who ran across my journal. That was SO cool. I'm still trying to navigate my way around diaryland and I know I'm not getting all out of it I could be but I keep telling myself that will come with time. Well I think I'll wander back and put my microwavable lunch in to cook. What about the phones you ask? Just put them on Not Ready. I'm sure people can wait 2-3 minutes while I make my lunch. Heh.

12:21 p.m. - 2002-05-16


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