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I wasn't going to update today. Why? Because I'm sick of talking about the 'relationship'. Will it or won't it? But then I thought to hell with it. I'll ramble on about other things. And Lord knows I'm pretty damn good at rambling. So here goes! I should really be working right now. Although technically my work is caught up but as we all know if you look hard enough you can find other work. Or people are just to happy to let you help them out with their work. Which is the case now. My co-worker, C, gave me some of her work to can wait (just don't tell her that!). Right now I'm sitting her playing with my pen, it's a bird and when you press the sides the tongue pops out - it's long. It amuses me...maybe a little too much. So, I forgot to mention I did end up cutting my hair. Before I did I asked J how much I should chop off. He began to say a little and then acted all joe-cool and told me whatever I wanted was cool with him. So I hmmmed and hawwed and then at the nice cheep-e place I go to I got the woman to cut off about half of it. Which turned out to be quite a lot. It's nothing drastic. I've never been one to 'style' my hair. I chop it straight off and it just hangs (when it's not in a ponytail) But I like it. It feels a lot lighter and WAY less tangles. Not to mention the smaller amounts of conditioner I use! So I've been a shop-a-holic this week. On Tuesday I bought myself 2 shirts. Yesterday and today I bought b-day presents for family. Which doesn't sound all that bad but that's only accounting for my lunch hours. It's the evenings where I do the worse damage. I've got a sickness. Speaking of sickness. Wait scrap that. I was trying to lead into dieting....didn't work. It must be around that time of the month cause I'm down on myself (more than normal). I want to run out and buy fruit & veggies and eat nothing else! Forget that they won't fill me, I'll just eat until it does (or until I puke!). Maybe it's hanging out with my co-worker who just transferred back to our office. She's way taller than me and she's not skinny by any means but she is well proportioned. Hell if I was as tall as her than I'd probably be pretty hot. Anyway we've been shopping during the lunch hours (see above) and the girl can buy anything and it fits! I grabbed a pair of shorts that I really liked and was just going to buy them - but then sanity returned and I went to the change room. Good thing! I think I got them to my knees! Forget that I found them in the petite section or that they were a size and half smaller than I usually get - damnit they still should have fit! Truthfully I do know I have to get serious about losing some poundage. Even my regular clothes are on the brink of feeling a little snug. I really want the 'hanging kinda lose' feeling! Plus I have clothes that when I was insane and saw a great deal and couldn't pass it up even though they were a size too small in my closet! Now that is sooo not right. And I really try not to do it anymore. But I would like the change to wear the clothes just once. Maybe if J and do see eachother less "space as it were" then I can go to the gym more...yah and maybe pigs will fly outta no that's the negative way of thinking. I must curb that negative voice in my head. I would love to get my bike out. It's hanging in my storage space with the front tire off. The problem? I don't know how to connect it. Yah I'm a dunce. And since it's a $1500 bike I don't want to chance it. Only 2 people can put it on for me - my ex and J. I'll choose J. I even cleared a space in my living room to put the bike during the summer. Wish me luck would ya. Now I must go and try and polish off this 1.5 litre of water here. Yesterday I drank it in one hour and pee'd 4 times within half an hour - now that just ain't right! I've got a little less than 2 hours to drink this - so I'll try the slower approach this time. Water..mmm refreshing water. Oh and I guess I'll go do some of my co-worker's work now - before she throws a cow! And she could...throw a cow...she's strong...thus I do her work!

2:34 p.m. - 2002-05-23


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