curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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Been a while..a long while

It's been a while - a long while. It hit me a moment ago. I've been reading journals for a few years now - I have a few of them bookmarked. Of those few a couple no longer update - it's been several months in one case and over year in another case. I should delete them from my bookmarks - but I can't. I hold out hope they'll come back or something. I was a little annoyed at this but I didn't make the connection regarding my own journal. I stopped writing. Well yah but I was going through problems. What is these people have the same problem? Hmm never thought about that. I just think people out there have a great life and when they don't write they're too busy living wonderfully. Me on the other hand I went through about 3 weeks of hell. It doesn't sound like a lot does it? But it was. I broke up with J. I didn't take it well - at all. To make a long story short we're back together. But it will never be the same - at least for me. I'll now have this doubt about how much he loves me...yah issues. He proclaims his love but deep down I now have to wonder since it was he who broke it off in the first place. I think...wait I know..I started associating this diary with the break up. I started this diary right before it happened and I couldn't bring myself to write about it when we broke up and then when we got back together the diary just reminded me of how unhappy I had been. But I've got to put that behind me. I enjoy writing to much to just stop like that. Even now I feel like I'm jinxing my relationship by writing this - bizzare I know. I never claimed to be normal! Well let's all cross our fingers and take a deep breath as I plunge back into writing...a little more frequently to say the least! It's good to be back.

2:14 a.m. - 2002-09-25

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