curious-me's Diaryland Diary


I've been bad...a few times

I'm ready to call it a day. I have half an hour left. I haven't really worked much the last hour or so. I just got finished sending an e card to my gal pals. I'm inviting them over this Friday for the much anticipated dvd viewing party. So far it's a go. I'll be disappointed if it falls through.

Well last weekend went okay. I saw J Friday night had some hot monkey sex - you knew it was going to happen. Dropped him off at the bus depot to pick up his friend and go out whoring - I mean clubbing. Then I went to my best friend's and watched a video. I was seriously tired - I think it was the monkey sex. Of course I can't even tell her why I'm so tired cause nobody knows we do the deed occasionally. I told T about it the first time it happened. She didn't say anything but I'd still rather not tell people. I already know I'm stupid. Saturday morn I packed a bag and headed to my guy friend's. The trip down was cool. I played an old tape and day dreamed (about hot guys and sex of course) all good. We didn't do all that much. We hung out with my brother and sister in law. That night we all went to the movies and grabbed a bite to eat. Sunday morn my guy friend made a crap load of french toast and a whole package of bacon for the two of us. We ate like pigs (pardon the pun). It was so yummy - yet so bad! Needless to say the scale wasn't down by much Monday morning - it was a notch or two but it should have been more.

The drive home Sunday was bad. Bad weather - bad mood. I don't know why but my drive home's I always seem to get melancholy. Then I listen to sad music - then I cry. Not to healthy...especially while driving in bad weather. I don't know I'm not really up to analyzing it right now.

Monday I was so grumpy I could barely stand myself. I was just pissed off at the world in general. And then of course I got a wicked headache that afternoon and it didn't leave for the whole night. But being the trouper I am I went to the gym with S. The new super gym - yes again and it still sucks. This time the whirlpool was closed! It's open less than a week and already they're having problems with the whirlpool - bastards! So we sweated like pigs and then headed home to watch Joe Millionaire. It is so much fun making fun of this guy! He is such a sexist pig! I can't wait till he tells the girl and she knees him in the groin - should be entertaining.

Yesterday I saw J again. He helped me pick up my dvd player and made sure I bought all the right wires and stuff. Then we had hot monkey sex again. I know I know! Bad bad bad. Well good good good but bad for the healing part. Can't get over a guy when you're still sleeping with him. To make matters worse then we went out to dinner. He said he thinks the break up is just starting to hit him....I said it was about time. No thoughts about getting back together though. Been there done that. He needs to 'find' himself so to speak. I love the guy dearly but I can't be with someone who half heartedly wants to be with me. I have more pride and value in myself than that.

So, that's all that's happening for the moment. I would like to be over this a little more, but it's not quite 2 months so I can give myself some slack. I would like to be a few pounds lighter - but I'm trying pretty hard so I gotta give myself points there. We're trying on dresses on Feb 1 so you do the math. It ain't gonna happen by then but I hope we find a good seamstress cause I'm ready and serious about losing weight. Already the clothes aren't tight so I'm taking this as a big thumbs up. Oh look Vertical Horizon 'Grey Sky Morning' is on the radio... I guess it could be worse - it could be Amazed by Lonestar. If I never hear that song again it will be too soon. Can you tell it's mine and J's song? You could? How? The bitterness it invokes in me?

Alright enough of this. I gotta start packing up, I'm outta here in 10 minutes.

3:58 p.m. - 2003-01-22


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