curious-me's Diaryland Diary


A nice ol' bitchin entry

I'm sitting here debating on why I came in this morning. I had a sore throat yesterday and this morning woke up with an even sorer throat and a wicked headache. The kind where you hold your head tight and wish to die. So I took a couple of x-tra strength tylenol and then laid there until I felt I wouldn't cry at the thought of moving. Which happened about half an hour later so I convinced myself to get up, get dressed and go to work. You see I had made my lunch last night so I didn't want to waste it. Also I wanted to check my email - how sad. I'm supposed to go swimming tonight with S and T. T said she'd email me and let me know if she's going. Also I emailed my brother and J to see if they wanted to have some turkey this weekend since I have to cook mine to get it out of my freezer. My bro was a go and J was a no, he had other plans. So I guess I can go home now. Heh right. My throat is not so sore and my headache is contained for the moment so the guilt factor would be to high. I wish I could have updated yesterday. I had problems getting on the web yesterday so I couldn't get on. I was having a good day mentally. I dont' know if it's cause of the sick thing or not but I'm feeling a little bummed. I know a lot of it has to do with my feelings about J. I can be so up and positive about the break up and the next I feel sadness and jealousy that he's moved on from me from us without much effort.

Enough about that. I could dwell on that for the rest of my days if I let myself. So I'm going to tough out the morning and then see how I feel this afternoon. I wanted to go to the gym tonight and do weights before we went swimming. S and I went to the super gym last night and took an hour long kardio knockout class. Man it was hard but so much fun. I was sweating buckets at the end...I like that feeling. I need to do that everynight then I could start seeing some results. I started getting down about not losing weight fast enough. Meanwhile it's only been a couple of weeks - I'm like that. I expect it to happen NOW. I just have to remind myself that it takes time. But I do know that my gym quality is slacking. I do go quite a bit but they're only half hour workouts or so. I need more. Plus I need to sweat and work it more. That's why I enjoy classes so much. The instructor pushes you - a machine doesn't.

You know what I want? I want to be happy. Happy with myself. Happy with my non-relationship status. Happy with my life. Too much to ask?

I am so dreading this weekend. Dress ordering time. Yah I know that after they come we can get them altered if I lose weight but it's the fact S and K are going to be standing there while I pick out my double digit dress size and K will pick out her one digit size one. I guess I just hate others knowing what my size is - especially girls - cause you know how catty we are. That's what I'm dreading....a lot.

You know what bugs me? J's emails to me. They're so fake. I'll send him and a few others a joke and he'll email me and say 'good one - you got me there blah blah blah' - I mean it's just so fake. He writes like we're friends. But we're not. We're ex's. I feel like he's trying to push us into this 'friend' category and we can be buddies who screw around occasionaly. It's not that easy. And I resent the fact that he's trying to make it look like it is. Even if we do become good friends in the future I still wouldn't like the tone of his emails. God he pisses me off.

And since I'm on a roll - know what else pisses me off? Dry skin. Yah my hands are so dry - my nails are brittle. Actually I have no nails left - that's how dry it is. I have my humidifier on all night and I moisturize like crazy but still - dryness. Piss. Me. Off.

I'm off to spread my sunshine around the office.....

8:53 a.m. - 2003-01-28


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: