curious-me's Diaryland Diary


My weekend of feelings

Well what a weekend of kaleidoscope feelings, emotions and mental wellness. It was one of my first weekends 'home alone'. Friday my parents took me out to dinner and then dropped me off at home. Being the trouper that I am I went to the gym. I made it home for 10 and then I watched some tv. Got depressed. Cried. Read a book and went to bed. Saturday I was up at a decent hour so I went to the gym. My friend K came down from Toronto and her and S called me to come over so we could go dress shopping. Being the happy person I am I made them come pick me up. The dress shopping went better than I would have imagined. I actually fit into a skirt size that wasn't embarrasing. Even smaller than I had hoped - yay me. The top was a different story. My normal size was too big and the size down was way smaller. So we ordered the smaller one - not the smartest idea I've ever had but this forces me to stick to my eating healthy and gym routine. Saturday evening we made a liquor run and ran into who....J! Just peachy. He was all fresh shaven, wearing the cologne that I adore and had just bought some serious liquor for a party he was attending. I think I felt my heart start to break all over again. Maybe not that dramatic but it did whallop me in the stomach. Coming face to face with the fact that he's out at parties flirting, hell even sleeping, with women is not something I needed to see. So K and her man left in the evening and S and I were left to our devices - we got shitfaced. S was all hyped about going to Mc Donald's with her coupons. So we left around 11:15 and walked half an hour to the golden arches only to find the store closed early cause they were having 'technical problems'. We didn't have a back up plan but luckily S found a Subway coupon in her pocket and we each got a 6" sub. Then S wanted a donut (the lack of grease being the excuse) so we walked to not one but two Timmy's and their donut selection was poorly lacking. So we skipped the donut and then walked to my place which was closer and she called her man to come get her. I shut the door behind her around 1:30, brushed my teeth and then crashed.

Sunday morning I woke up early. I was going to try to sleep more but since I had woken up to a dream of me kissing J my sleep was ruined. So I went to church. By myself. Big step. And it was...okay. The sermon was on 'trust' in relationships. But at the end when the minister said a prayer and he mentioned that there was a few people in the congregation who were alone for whatever reason and asked God to watch out for them. That got me choked up. So I went home made Kraft Dinner - I was on a destructive binge. At it. Had a shower. I might have cried after that. I told you it was a roller coaster weekend. Then I called S to go skating to meet up with our friend C.

It took us over an hour to find the place cause obviously my listening skills aren't that great and I was mistaken where C had said it was. We weren't going to tell her but I felt guilty and didn't want her thinking we were assholes who didn't care about being on time. It turned out the skating was over when we were about to start (time mix up). So we hit the road to go to some free skating in a park and then my car broke down! As in the middle of the intersection! S and I pushed it off the road, called C, who looped back and we stood around bitching. The car started again so C followed us and I drove it right to the garage where it's sitting right now waiting to be diagnosed. I really really hope it's nothing to expensive. Then we finally made it skating but the ice was slushy and kinda gross and since none of us can stand skating for very long we were there maybe 15 minutes and then hit the road to Krispy Kreme donuts - C had never had one. They were all out of their original ones so they gave us each a coupon for a BOX of donuts next time we come in. Good timing! Then C took me grocery shopping - I begged - and I picked up some necessities for lunches this week. Last night my parents picked me up and took me out for pizza. My brother and I slammed J the whole time - that part was fun. After my parents dropped me off I was doing better but still a little rough around the edges. Then L called. My first ex's sister. She is amazing. We sat there and talked about how it's too scary to fall in love again cause you know how bad it hurts when things don't work out. It was a good talk...a great talk. Then she mentioned that her and a few girlfriends may try to go away in March and asked if I'd be interested. Of course I told her yes! That would be kick ass. She's a fun girl. We hung up and a few minutes later the phone rang - it was L again. She wanted to tell me that I would be okay. And that I'm the strongest girl she knows and she knows I'll be just fine. How sweet is that? It almost made me cry. It was very considerate. She's going through her own hard ships and she's still thinking of me - that's why she's a good gal.

Well I gotta run to the bank now and see how broke I am. I also want to hit the Sears outlet...and maybe grab a tim's coffee. Here's to better times ahead. I'll drink to that.

1:06 p.m. - 2003-02-03


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