curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Jumbled thoughts...

Well I almost added another entry yesterday - I was in the writing mood. But lack of time and laziness stopped me. Of course, now, I'm not really in the mood to write. C'est la vie. The weather outside is shite. It's snowing and the wind is whipping around at 80 kilometres an hour. Not to mention there's a flash freeze alert for the roads. Good stuff. Our receptionist who lives an hour out of town just tried to go home but she had to turn back once she hit the major highways cause it was too dangerous. I imagine my walk home will be nice and toasty.

I've realized that I don't look good at work. I just don't. My hair is always worn up and if I dare to put it down it looks like crap. And my clothes just look blah on me. I have no pizzazz. It's not like I even try but I at least try to look not frumpy. But once I get home....things change. My hair...well that doesn't look so bad, hey I even look pretty. And my clothes, not to bad either - even if it's just sweats and a sweater - still not bad. So either this lighting plays tricks on me that are cruel or my prettiness is only allowed out once I'm away from office and stress. 'Kay I almost choked writing that - I don't really have much stress so I'll have to go with the lighting in the office.

I'm addicted to another journal. She's this woman from NY and she's a writer and she's funny. I'm now in the middle of reading her archives from 2001. I'm an animal when it comes to people's archives. If they hold my interest the first few entries then I'm hooked. I read every spare moment I have - break time, lunches, coverage - I'm there! Sometimes I have to drag myself away. It's not like they're all that entertaining but it's now my mission to play catch up. I get caught up in aspects of her life from 2 years ago! I want to be current - in the know. Well I guess it keeps me out of trouble for a while.

I'm still in the downswing regarding J. I guess it's hit me that since he hasn't called or hinted about sex that he's found his nooky elsewhere. Gut wrenching would be appropriate to describe my feelings. I don't even want to talk about them.

So yesterday the cute single male co-worker was in the same vincinty as me and I was looking as unappealing as the lighting from work will allow, while I managed to bang the cart I was hauline against the door frame several times. Get flustered much? I can haul that cart in my sleep. I do these little twirls while I'm going around corners but yesterday I was all thumbs. Very interesting from a girl who could care less about being with any guy for a while.

So my car is still in the shop. I haven't heard from the mechanic yet so I'm guessing he hasn't got to it yet. It's not that big a deal but I don't like being without my option to at least go somewhere. My biggest peav is the gym right now. Last night I got home around 8:45 and I called S but she was avoiding my call...I mean gone out. She called shortly after 9 but she was in for the night. Granted it was freezing rain out but...I got a mission here folks! I have to fit into a dress size that I barely fit into last weekend. I've gotta go hardcore and now is the time. Especially considering all the crap food I ate on the weekend. Pizza, Swiss Chalet twice and my God KD - I had KD! I should be at the gym now! But no instead I sat around last night watching Joe Millionaire - gad he's an idiot. Then I got hooked on this stupid dating tv is crap...but I still watch it. So finally I moved aside my little table, spread out my yoga mat and did some yoga. It felt good. Not as good as an hour long cardio workout but still I was happy to do something. Tonight we're supposed to go to an intro to cycle class. I'm a little worried that she might cancel since the weather is crap. If I'm desperate I may end up making the 20 minute walk....let's hope it doesn't come down to that. So, that's basically why I need my car. I hate being dependent on others.

I don't have much else to write about. I was just thinking about how un-motivated I am. I could be doing all kinds of work that would help me get ahead or on track or even ahead of the game...but I'm not. After this I'll probably go and open my book and start editing. It's not that my work is suffering from this because I am caught up but I just don't feel the need to get any more ahead. That use to drive my ex-coworker C nuts. She's a do do do girl. Course she's also the one who is crying every other day now in her new job cause her boss is driving her bananas. Well that was a pointless little story huh? My head is feeling a little jumbled. I had another dream about J last night - I remember no details except that we were together. And I wonder why I can't get over this relationship.....

2:37 p.m. - 2003-02-04


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