curious-me's Diaryland Diary


My weekend..broken down

It's Monday. I'm at work. I'm mostly caught up. I don't want to be here. My hair is different. I got it quite (cut drastically on Friday) then dyed (not so drastically) afterwards. Everyone seems to like it. The verdict is still out for me. I'll have to live with it for a while. I'm not sorry I cut it though - I needed the change. Friday night turned out good. It was just T, C and me. 3 crazy gals. T made a pretty fine meal and then we watched a movie, mix in there doing my hair and great conversation...oh and booze for T and me. It was a fun night. Saturday I was pretty lazy. I stayed in bed till noon. Then I read for most of it. I finally went to the gym and then went and did a little shopping at the mall before meeting up with C for a movie, How to Lose a guy in 10 days. It was okay. T teased me with the idea of going out to the bar around 11 or so but it didn't happen. Logistics...and the cold. So I read the rest of the night.

Sunday I woke up at 8:30! I couldn't fall back to I read. Can you guess that I was reading a good book? I dragged my butt to church and then back read and nap - in that order. Then my friend L called. She had been out of town so I caught her up on my life - not much to say. Then S called and we made plans to go to the gym. Then J called. Yeah that J. I wasn't prepared. He wanted to say hi and told me he hadn't heard from me in a while with email forwards etc. I told him I deleted him from my list when I found out he was dating. He started to ask me about my weekend. I told him I couldn't do this...that I didn't want to talk to him. He seemed surprised and said he missed talking to me and hanging out with - as a friend. I was silent. He said he'd hoped we could be friends someday soon. I told him goodbye. It was a very sad moment. I cried afterwards. Then I got up and began to clean like the dickens. At the gym my emotions kept me working harder than usual. S and I then went out for dinner to Arby's and she bought dessert and coffee. We ended up heading back to her place to watch the Simpsons 300 episode with the boys. I told S that if I got desperate enough (sexually) I would ask her fiancee's friend (who's single also) to fool around. I'm kidding of course. The guy does nothing for me. But sometimes you just want to get your rocks off - you know? Ironically my period started the day it should have ended - yes, body you are screwed up.

I got home around 10:00 and then called C chatted for a bit, considered calling my ex - R but I wasn't in the mood to talk so I - yup you guessed it - read. I finished the book. It was quite large over 500 pages, I thought C was crazy when she said she read it in two days - now that I did the same thing I don't consider her crazy. It was an excellent book. I quite related to it. By that time it was around 11:30 - too early for bed of course! So I putted around my bedroom tidying and cleaning, listening to Michael Bolton - letting him heal my wounds. I read my trip journal and re-lived memories. Memories with R. I loved him but I could never go back to him. I skipped over J's and read my NY memories. It was good. Then I read all the poems I wrote when I had a broken heart - progress I guess since I just used that in the past tense. I didn't cry either....I was proud of myself.

7am came way to early. My new hair 'do' was well recepted by my co-workers. I may actually style it one of these days. About half an hour ago I got a phone call....from J. The man doesn't take a hint. But I spoke to him. He told me his water woes (no hot water) I laughed. He said he'd like to hang with me. I said I was busy tonight (giving blood ya know) but I didn't commit for another time. I didn't say yes...I didn't say no. I'm not the smartest when it comes to him. I know I should just re-buff him but...I can't. I know I end up crying...but I can't turn my back. I'm an idiot. He told me he thought about 'us' this weekend and how much fun we used to have. He doesn't miss being a couple he just misses doing stuff with me. I miss sex. Which one of us is screwed up here? Of course I miss sex with anyone. Yup, pretty much anyone would do. No strings do you get those things going? I was at the book store at lunch and I got an erotic book. I know! I saw a sign saying they moved the 'erotic novels' so I just had to check them out. Man reading them got me so hot, I had to buy it for $5! Oh how I've fallen.

Well now that I've spilled my guts I should go and do something...anything to kill the time till I can go home

Why did he have to call?

3:28 p.m. - 2003-02-17


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