curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Inner dialogue

T.G.I.F. It's weird....I used to look so forward to weekends....and I still do to some degree. I look forward to the not working part and not getting up etc. But...I'm missing the excitement. The excitement of hanging out with someone special. I do make plans to see friends and go places - but it's not the same. But as I told myself today when I asked myself "why haven't you got a guy yet?" and my response "cause you're not looking!"

Ah - inner dialogue. I have tons of it. My life is filled with inner dialogue. Sometimes, at home, I'll speak these thoughts and questions out loud. They say it's only bad if you answer yourself....I answer myself. Who else is going to? For the most part my inner dialogue is right on the money - unless it's cranky then it's just mean. I'm not schitzo I swear....yah me neither. Ha.

Not much happening. I had T over for chocolate fondue last night. She's a spaz (in a good way of course). I met her at a car dealership so she could look at vehicles...out of the blue mind you. Then we went to Zellers so I could pick up my towel wasn't in....only the towels. So we picked up the fruit for the fondue and then my brother and headed back to my place. We gorged ourselves on chocolate and fruit. Excellent. T left around 10 or so. I went to drive my brother home only to realise T had my keys. She had opened my door while I was getting the fondue set from the basement. So she drove to my place, dropped the keys off and drove my brother home. Yesterday I had went shopping and bought myself a new spring jacket and waterproof boots. I spent a hundred bucks on both but they're both good quality. I'm wearing the boots now and they're quite comfy. I also bought T a shirt. She's been looking for a long white man's shirt for a while and I happened to stumble upon the last one of that kind for $10. So I bought it. I like cheering people up. It fit and she appreciated it.

So, this weekend will be filled with firsts for me. I'm going to a get together Saturday eve. It's church related. I'm nervous. I don't want there to be only a few people....or everyone's coupled off...or everyone's geeky. Okay that last one is mean but you know what I mean. I want to have a good time. I want to meet people who I get along with...I want to shake up my routine. I don't know what I want. I want to be happy and fulfilled. I'm working on it. Oh and on Sunday eve I'm going to a church related event from 4 - 8. Long. I think there's only a couple people attending. But this is more geared towards church events then meeting people. I hope I like it.

I'm playing around with my book again. I have 51,000 words. The max is 55,000. I can't believe I have that many. I'm nervous that it's 51,000 words of crap. But no guts, no glory. So, I'll persevere with it and see what happens. It would be SO helpful to have a computer or laptop at home. Editing would be a breeze. I can't even use my brother's computer since J is there. Ugh. I don't even want to talk about him. Nothing new but yah I'm still not over this whole thing. T in her drunken state the other night kept contradicting herself. She told me it would take half the time I was with J (2 years) to get over him - so in one year I'll be good to go! Then she told me I should start seeing people now....yah she was drunk. I think everyone is different and we all have to go through it differently.

Already it's lunch time - enough rambling. Here's to a good weekend...a happy one...a fulfilling one.

12:50 p.m. - 2003-02-21


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