curious-me's Diaryland Diary


The 4th of March - a good day regardless

Well, I'm actually feeling pretty good despite the bad news I got this morning. My car is dying...on its last legs. It's the transmission. The mechanic has done something that will prolong it for at least a few months but it could be up to a few years. I doubt I'll be taking my chances. I'll probably get a new car. Just the thought of shopping for one makes me ill. I'm a little to attached to my purple car. It's the first car I bought all on my own. Sigh.

So I had another apiphamy (sp?) yesterday. As I was driving around in my parents car, listening to my girl power tape it hit me that J probably does still care for me. Just like I care for my ex's. They'll always have a place in my heart. I'll always be there for them. I can't say the same for J - yet. But I'm sure someday he'll be in that category. But I realized that this is the reason I don't want to see him now. He is so in that place and I'm not. I can't put myself in a situation where the other person is beyond me. I want to see him and have the same feelings I do when I speak to my other ex's. There's a little 'chemistry' there that ex's always will have - at least in my experience. We know intimate stuff about this other person and we loved them. Being apart or not together anymore does not erase those memories and feelings. So, that's where I'm aiming to be.

I went over to T's last night. She is such a cool gal. I know I've said this before. But hanging out with her is so fun. And we do nothing. I picked up some chicken strips and sweet and sour sauce (cause I was having a craving) and we cooked them up and devoured them. Then we headed into the living room and started watching some satellite tv (in other words crap). We did nothing but I left feeling a lot better. Although I really do have to get some motivation happening for cleaning my place. It's a sty. I have good intentions but it seems as soon as I walk through my door my energy leaves me. I just want to sit in front of the tube and veg. A lot of it is my attitute. When I'm down the last thing I want to do is clean. Luckily I force myself to go to the gym or else I'd be a goner. Half way through my routine I start to feel good - gotta love those endorphins. I've been slacking on the gym - okay I was away those 2 days so I guess technically it's not slacking. Last night I had no ambition to go but I forced myself to get my butt out the door. I find if I'm not going to classes then the ambition level is way down. Luckily I'm going to two classes tonight so I have a goal. It doesn't help that I'm going through the ravenous part of my pms. And of course I can't fill up on salad - I need hearty comforting food, thus the chicken strips last night. Tonight it is pancakes and baccon. It's pancake Tuesday and that's my excuse! The baccon is just gratutious. Plus I'm trying to eat my food in my freezer and cupboards since I can't spend money until Thursday (pay day). I have to start cutting back on my spending and start saving more - especially if I'm getting a new car. Sigh. But one good thing about today - it's my Mom's Birthday. She's an amazing woman. So no matter what goes wrong today - there's always that silver lining. Maybe it's not a coincidence my favourite number is 4.

3:00 p.m. - 2003-03-04


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