curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Two entries in one day!

I'm not usually the kind of person who does 2 entries in one day but it's Friday and I wanted to write about this while it's still fresh and not overshadowed by my stories of the bachlorette pary I'm throwing this weekend for S.

Okay so hot on the heels of getting rejected by a guy who I have no feelings for whatsoever and being broke up about it for God knows what reason...what do I do? I go out to lunch with J. The ex.

J called around 11 and asked if he could meet me for lunch he said he wanted to talk to me last night when I dropped my brother off but the girls were in the car with me. So since I was not in the best place (read sad) I agreed. Basically he just wanted to chat and let me know how unhappy he is. And that he kind of regrets breaking up with me...good thing to realize after 6 months I guess. Although interestingly enough he still has his girlfriend. I've come to the conclusion that he is screwed up. Although truthfully he is moving tommorow and he's packing all his crap up and he's going down memory lane. He's finding pictures and letters and he's remembering the good times. And he's missing them. Missing me.

Hearing this hasn't changed anything for me. I mean it's nice to hear that yah I am missable and that yah he probably did make a mistake. But it's done. He's no closer to 'finding' himself now than he was 6 months ago. He doesn't know what he wants out of life. I doubt his current relationsip will last it sounds like it's on the brink. But I have no doubt that he will find someone right away. He's a sweet sensitive guy who's very huggable. I hugged him goodbye and I realized how much I miss hugging him. Sigh - what am I doing dating all these skinny tall guys?! I need a man with meat on his bones and around my height would be great.

But anyway I have a feeling I won't be seeing J for a while. He's ending a big part of his life and moving on and even though I say a lot of bad stuff about him (cause you know the creep did break my heart) I still wish him the best. I think there's nothing worse than someone going through life and not being happy....having that feeling that they don't know what they want but they want "something". They feel they have to keep searching until they find what "it" is. Sadly some people never find "it" and they just wander. I'm holding out more hope for J cause he is only 22 and has a lot of years left to get his head on straight.

So I wish him the best. And I wish myself the best. I hope we can both find happiness in whatever path life leads us.

I'm hoping to put all this out of my brain and party like it's 1999 tommorow night at the men's strip bar.....I imagine enough alcohol will help the situation along nicely.

Have a great weekend. And Whovillian -thanks for the comments! It's nice that someone understands what I'm going through...and not think I'm crazy!

3:45 p.m. - 2003-04-25


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