curious-me's Diaryland Diary


The sting of rejection

It's happened. I've been rejected. I just read his email now so these feelings are fresh and raw. I am now beginning to doubt the whole point of doing this. Okay so here's the back story:

I've been emailing this one guy...let's call him Mark cause hey that's his name. Anyway Mark and I emailed back and forth for a while and then finally we moved up to the phone. In all honesty he was a bit too sarcastic. Kind of like the boys in junior high were when they were around girls and didn't know what else to say. But I went along with that flow and gave as good as I got. So finally Wednesday night we decided to meet up. We met up at the park and walked around for a couple of hours. In my opinion he had a few issues. His one and only relationship was 3 months long and I don't know if he's over if - 9 months later. I had a short email from him yesterday and then today he emailed me and said he was sorry but he thought he was ready to date again but he's not. Now if that's not a blow off I don't know what is. Now I'm left wondering - what is me? Was it my looks? Granted the guy was a skinny ass and had major issues about his weight and was pretty much neurotic about it. Did he find me smelly? Or did he just not see that spark that he wanted there to be? My friends asked me last night if there was a spark and I told them truthfully no. So I'm not sure if I'm even crushed by this or if I'm just surprised that he's the one who cut it off. My friend C warned me about this. At the beginning she said be prepared for the rejection and me being the optimistic gal I am said not to worry about it. I now know what she was talking about. It's like me meeting Paul a week or so ago. I totally wasn't attracted to him and knew that we could only be friends. I didn't blow him off but I told him I wanted to date other people because this is all new to me. He understood..or so he told me. And we still talk. Should I have been as brutal as Mark was to me? Do I email Mark back and say have a nice life? Or do I just delete it and go on and forget about him. Or I could email him back and say "hey what's wrong with me?" But that's a tad psycho for me and even I won't go that far. But needless to say this whole experience has left me shaken. I knew every guy I met wouldn't be the one and I would meet some who I would have no chemistry with....but I guess I just didn't expect it to hurt this much.....rejection is a bitch even when it's from someone you don't have feelings for.

Now I have to go and ask myself the question.....can I go on with this? Can I go on and meet the 10 other guys I'm talking to? Is it going to be rejection after rejection? Can my now fragile ego handle this?

I'll let you know.

9:45 a.m. - 2003-04-24


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