curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Up in the air

It comes and goes. I'm not thinking about it constantly but enough that my stomach is still in knots when I think about it. I keep having to remind myself that I'm not involved this isn't my story to be in. Of course I'm talking about J. He was supposed to break up with his girlfriend. I'm assuming since I haven't heard from him that it didn't happen. He's the kind of person who would call me up all depressed about it. I'm trying not to think about it. I'm trying to covince myself that if he did or didn't stay with her doesn't involve me. That step back I was talking about should be in affect. But of course try telling my stupid heart that.

Last night I met up with the last bachelor who hung around long enough to meet me. He had sent me a picture a while back and the picture was kind of blurry so I wasn't sure what to expect. But I was quite pleasantly surprised he's a good looking guy! He's quiet but really nice. I basically had the attitude that I would meet him spend some time and then I would be done with the men in my life for a while. I don't know if that's going to happen. We seemed to hit it off. We went out to dinner and then couldn't figure out what to do so we rented a movie and went back to his place. He had baked a chocolate cheesecake in case I came over - it was amazing. Although I have to admit that I am so sceptical. I thought some of the other guys were nice but things went no where. I'm not sure how I feel about this one. I think if things hadn't happend with J over the weekend I would be able to focus on this guy without all the other crap going on in my life. But first things first. I have to find out if this guy is even interested in getting to know me. I'm not going to do the "what if" thing - there's just no point. I've finally learned how to play the game. Basically you can't get hurt if you have no expectations!

The weather is crummy today - I'm trying to stay positive but when you're staring out the window at a grey sky it doesn't help matters. Even the bright hawaiin shirt I'm wearing isn't helping. It was a theme day at work. Sounds dorky when I say that out loud! But it was all about the prizes - which I didn't win btw. Even though several people told me I should have, but one of the judges was a bitchy woman....she was just jealous of my jugs...ha.

Well it's lunchtime. Time to go and pretend that I'm not thinking about what is happening in J's life. I refuse to call him. I may be a sucker for punishment but I still have some shred of pride left.

Thank God for pride....and self-preservation.

12:53 p.m. - 2003-05-07


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