curious-me's Diaryland Diary


The Man Pill

Where to begin? Well let's see I spent all day yesterday agonozing over whether to call J or not. I went to the gym and tried concentrating on a step class and did a very bad job. I went over the pros and cons of calling J and finding out what happened and whether he broke up with his gf. I decided I didn't want to be in suspense - I just wanted to know. I knew nothing would change but I still had to know. So I called him. As it turns out while I was at the gym he had called my home and left a message. I'm still kicking myself for not checking my messages - now he knows I called him before I knew he called me. It's all about saving face. So it turns out he did break up with her yesterday. Apparently it was a looong break up cause she didn't want to let go - hmmm been there for before. But being the jerk he is he pretty much told her that when the summer was over they would get back together or there 'would be a chance' - which is pretty much guaranteed to keep her hanging around. I was pretty disgusted over that part. I hung out with him for a while...nothing major happened. I razzed him for not telling her about me and our 'weekend' together. He accused me of wanting to hurt her like I was hurt when I found out about her. I agreed. It's not a shock. Of course I want her to hurt. I don't know her. Where this will all go from here is anybody's guess. I think J is going to take some time and "find himself". Whatever - I have a life to live.

And on that note....I couldn't believe how relieved I felt when I got in this morning and had an email from Keith. He was the guy I went out with a few nights ago. He hadn't called and I thought for sure I had totally read another guy wrong - it's getting to be a habit of mine. But no he emailed me and told me what a great time he had and said he'd like to get together again - soon. Score one for Me! I immediately emailed him back and said I had a great time too. I told him I was going to call him last night but I wasn't feeling to well and just went to bed. It's pretty much the truth. I did hang out with J for most of the night but when I was going to call Keith my head was pounding so I just went to bed. I woke up with a head cold. Nice sinus pain and pressure. In my email to Keith I suggested we get together tomorrow night for a while before he goes to work. I don't know if it's too soon or not or if I'm being pushy. I do sort of have alterior motives - J is throwing his big b-day bash and I'm pretty much not welcome. He said I could go but his "current" ex is going to be there. Hell, it's not even like I ever considered going I just don't want to be sitting at home on a Friday night doing laundry while he is out partying - again saving face. The last thing in the world I want to do is use or hurt Keith. I totally didn't expect to have such a good time with him. It's hard to explain. It's not like we totally got along. There were awkward silences and he is pretty quiet and I do a lot of the talking but at the same time it was comfortable. J has told me to go on with my life and he wants me to be happy and find someone blah blah blah. Of course this is after he says he's still in love with me. Well I'm going to take his advice. I can't wait around and see if he chooses me or her come Fall. Nuh uh. Not this gal. The prize isn't worth the race in this case. She can have him. I'm not saying Keith is going to be the guy for me but I would like to pursue this and see what comes of it. It's kind of nice getting to know someone who doesn't know all about you and vica versa. But one thing I've learned out of all this - expect the unexpected. Oh and go along with the flow. Life is to damn short to waste it being sad. If J doesn't have his shit together I'm not going to wait around until he does. It will be his loss. I just don't want him coming to me in another 6 months and pulling this crap. I think I really want to find a guy who appreciates me now when we date rather than when we break up! Oh to dream.

Well my pill is kicking in - the sinus pain and pressure is easing - ahh if only it was that easy when it came to men. Take a pill and it fixes everything. To dream.

9:13 a.m. - 2003-05-08


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