curious-me's Diaryland Diary



Well I'm back - but I won't say to normal. I have a 2 day work week this week which is pretty cool. I was in training for Monday and Tuesday and I took tomorrow off. Work is hectic as usual - but that's par for the course.

Romantically things are going good - a little too good. I'm getting to the freaking out stage. I can see myself really falling for Keith and truthfully I think I've started. But it scares the bejeebies out of me. I'm so scared of trusting someone again with my heart. I have this fear that as soon as things start to go really well and I'm totally in love with the guy that it will end. Irrational yes but it's how I feel. It doesn't help that his psycho ex seems to be calling and leaving voicemail messages and email messages for him every other day. He admitted that part of him likes the attention (which c'mon who wouldn't) but I told him in no uncertain terms that he has to put a kibosh on it. He said he tried and I told him he has to be brutal like I was with J. Then I basically told him that if he doesn't do it and she's sort of in the background it would be big trouble. I told him that if it comes down to the possibility of me getting hurt (again) or running away - I'm gonna run. I didn't hold any punches. I'm not going to put myself in a situation where I'm just gonna get hurt. Then last night I was talking to S and T about it all and they said the same thing - get her out of there. So then when I went back over to his place in the late evening (yah we see eachother a lot) I told him what the girls had said and that he better in no uncertain terms tell psycho to back off. He agreed - if she contacts him again. I'm happy with that. Now comes the whole trust part. He seems to really like me but I've been down that road before where a guy tells you he's head over heels in love with you and then dumpsville. Man, what do you have to do to have a normal relationship?

So I'm heading over to his place after work and spending some time there and then heading to my parents tonight. My mom and I are driving back tomorrow and hanging out doing girl stuff and then on Saturday we're getting massages and then heading back to their place. Then I'm heading home Sunday. A lot of driving. A lot of not seeing Keith. This should be interesting and will tell a lot. How much will we miss eachother? Why do I have this knot in my stomach just thinking about it?

I totally had a 'moment' last week. I had dropped him off at work and then as I was heading home I saw his truck in the distance and I watched him turn the corner and my stomach did a little lurch. Ack - I'm falling for him! That scared the hell out of me. Not so soon! It's only been a month!

I haven't spoken to J except for a day or so ago when he called but I was on the other line. He didn't leave a message so that night I called him to see what he wanted. He wanted to see if I knew my brother got engaged (I had - which is awesome news by the way!!!). That was pretty much our conversation. He was rather curt and short with me and said he had to get up for work early so I let him go. I really am okay that he has gotten over me. I realized that if he hadn't it would just make it that much harder for me to move on. But I think I'm doing a pretty good job with moving on and I don't need him in the background making me doubt myself and my feelings.

Anyway I'm off to grocery shop on my lunchour to have food in my house for when my mom's here.

Oh yah and the for the record, I'm still wearing the fake nails and they're still annoying as all get out to type with! ciao.

12:41 p.m. - 2003-06-12


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