curious-me's Diaryland Diary


I'm back!!!!

I'm alive! I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've written an entry and I'm not even to blame. The bastards at work - web security - decided to deny me access to this website. So I politely emailed them back requesting access and they sent me an email me back saying I had to fill out a form and then return it to them for consideration. On it the form asks *why* I need access and how it would benefit the company (I work for the gov't folks) and then I would need my managers signature and then her manager's signature - bullshit. I was so pissed. The web security guys are railroading me I tell you. Every site that I enjoyed reading seems to be blocked. They're supreme assholes who have no life and need to feel important - I call it small dick syndrome but whatever. So yah that's why I haven't posted an entry in forever! Keith set me up on his computer do I say this...the guy is a computer whiz and what if he goes to the sites I frequent..finds this and reads it. It's intimate - you know? I like to vent and write about stuff that I'm sure he wouldn't be to happy to read about. Or I'm sure he doesn't want to read about my past with J and the complete agony I went through getting over him.

Speaking of the past. I can honestly say that J is now 100% in the past. No more what-if's or maybe's or any bullshit like that. It's done - over. I've moved on. Keith and I are doing great. It's totally freaked me out how fast we've moved. But I feel we're on a whole different wave length than any other relationship I've been in. Before it seems I was in a relationship with a guy and we sort of drifted. We had no real goal or mission. With Keith we want the same things. We want to get married some day, have kids, buy a house (obviously not in that order!). But you see what I'm saying? We have goals. Common goals at that! It also feels good being in a mature relationship. J was great but he was 6 years younger. That was quite the age gap. Keith and I could sit for hours with no music, no tv and just talk the two of us. J and I could never do that. I'm not comparing them - really I'm not. I'm just trying to show the vast differences these relationships have. I'm not going to say that things with Keith are perfect. For starters (yes there's more than one) he's a work a holic. Seriously - he has 2 jobs (1 full and 1 part time) and he just took on another part time job. It's only one night every two weeks but it's Saturday night! Starting at 2am which means that he'll spend all day Sunday sleeping. Sigh. It's surprising how you say that you're not going to wrap yourself up in someone so much again but now I look and see that I'm doing it. I guess a little space between us wouldn't be a bad thing. It will hopefully make him miss me more! Okay really that's all there is that annoys me about him. Although on the weekends I sleep over we tend to stay up all night (his schedule) and then get only a few hours sleep before we get up for the day. The last few times weren't so good. We were kind of cranky - well I know I was for sure. I know when I'm really tired cause my emotions get all mixed up and I want to scream at someone and then cry my eyes out. Last weekend he took a nap and I was so upset. I finally just left with a quick goodbye and then walked out to his deck, sat down and almost cried. I stopped myself. I got up went home, got changed, grabbed my discman and went for a long walk. It was weird I just wandered but then I saw a path and realized it was the one J and I took the night of our 'long' walk together. I walked down it and felt sad but at the same time I felt glad that I was walking there. In a way I was letting go of that night and all the implied promises J made. Anywho the next day when I saw Keith we were both a little wary of eachother and finally we both apologized. I was so worried that he would realize what a wack-o I was and decide to end things. I pretty much expect things to end any minute. I feel too much for him. Of course I'm going to get hurt! Last night he slept over for the first time. I was so excited. I stayed up until 4am cleaning my apartment. He was due for 6am. I finally fell asleep but kept waking up waiting for him to come. Around 6:30 he came and I was so happy. I don't know why but I just wanted to sleep beside him in my bed for once. We woke up after a few hours sleep and couldn't decide what to do for the day. I kind of was upset but hid it. I didn't want to waste a perfectly beautiful day lying around or inside our apartments. We got up and showered (heh he's so tall that he has to bend down to get under my shower head). We finally decided to head for the mall (not a good sign in my books) but boy was I wrong. We walked around for a while and then eventually went to get something to eat. We ended up talking about board games and then decided to go buy one. We ended up going to Toys R Us and getting Monolopy and Othello. After that we went go-karting (I know! How fun was that!). Then we went to Sportworld and spent a crap load of money on the games. We wandered outside and he "won" me a flower. There's something about a man who wins something for his woman. It can be anything. Tacky or not it's still so sweet. After that we went back home (his place) and he made us some taco salad (he makes the best ever) and we played some Monopoly. He totally whooped my butt. I've learned that the guy is a genius when it comes to games. Luckily I'm the genius in bed. Oh and I know I'm probably spelling genius wrong :P

So that's the quick update on my life in the last month. I'm going to try and update more often - obviously from Keith's computer! But I also don't want him to know what I'm typing and he'll be curious! After all he's dating Curious-me! Where's he at right now you ask? I knocked him out -with sex! A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Okay he did have to take a nap before work tonight - but I did help him along..nudge nudge wink wink. It's just after midnight now I don't know when he plans on getting up but I think I'll take advantage and read some of the diary's on diaryland that I've been "denied" from reading. I just read Who Villians - she's an awesome gal. I think I'll go send her a note.

Well hopefully I'll post an entry sooner than a month.

Just a side note that has nothing to do with anything - but don't you hate when there's a fly "flying" around and it's all dazed and slow like it's waiting to be killed or just die - god that annoys me. It doesn't help that I'm to lazy to find something to kill it with and since it's huge it will definately make a splat - but it's attracted to this computer screen so I think I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and put it out of it's misery. Yah that was totally off topic but needed to be said. G'night.

11:37 p.m. - 2003-07-19


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