curious-me's Diaryland Diary


I spy with my little eye.....

Oy vey. Just when you things are settling hit a huge ass bump on the road. This diary which was once my sanctuary is now becoming the source of my troubles. Okay so you know that Keith had read my diary. And that he started his own. This is where the trouble begins. Let's see on Friday he told me that if he's not reading my journal then I shouldn't read his. Although I rather enjoyed reading it but whatever I agreed. So that same night I was rather a cranky pants and not in a good mood at all. I dropped him off at work at midnight and went home and spent time by myself. Saturday I was back to my cheerful self - he wasn't. In fact he was downright not in a good mood. Then he told me not to read his diary. Well right there that's just a HUGE ass sign that something's going down. Of course he didn't want to discuss it. Seriously people have major issues when they tell someone something like this. Do they really expect that we'll just go "oh okay" and go on with the day? Hell no! I did drop the subject until I got to his place and then I needled him full force on what he wrote. Apparently he told me that he wrote how upset he was that I am going to be seeing J as friends in the near future and he told me that he kind of predicts I'll get back with J. Of course he apparently went into more detail and I got the watered down version and being the good girl I am I didn't read his journal - which if you must know is absolutely killing me not to! I love reading other people's journals and to read my boyfriends would be kick ass - but *sigh* it's just not to be. So anyway back to the story. As he's telling me this I start getting this knot in the pit of my stomach. I seriously wanted to start beating sense into the guy. I am so in love with him that it scares the crap out of me! I've never been in a relationship like this before. I just love being with him. We could sit in a room and do absolutely nothing for hours on end and I would love it. Just because I'm with him. I didn't have this with J. Looking back we were more like friends (who knew - J was right for once!). I sometimes felt more like I was taking care of him rather than we were in a relationship. With Keith everything is different. So of course as he's telling me this I'm getting more and more upset. Then he said those lovely words that chilled me to the bone - he was apparently going to start to distance himself for me so when/if the break up came he would be ready. Uh-huh and thanks for playing the communication game with your girlfriend! Seriously - he wasn't even going to talk to me about this. He didn't want to sound jealous or make me feel guilty about seeing J or something like that. I told him that I would totally never see J again if it meant that we stayed together. And I meant it. J is just a diversion. He's not someone I would call if I was in trouble - sad but true. I think he would try and help me if I was in trouble - as long as it didn't interfere with his life to much. Okay this wasn't supposed to be a rag on J entry. Anyway after I finally broke down and started to cry - seriously I've never really cried in front of Keith and I don't want it to be a habit. I told him that I was waiting for the 'other shoe to drop' because I've been way to happy in this relationship. Then he hugged me and told me that all relationships go through bumps like this and it's okay. Soooo I think we're okay. I mean we seem okay. We kind of dropped the subject. We went out Saturday and just bummed around and were totally fine. Then yesterday we went to a Medieval Renaissance fair with his mother and two brothers. I wasn't sure how much I would enjoy it cause I've never been to anything like that before. But I loved it! It was so much fun just to walk around and look at all the displays and then watch all the different plays and events. Of course the weather turned out to be hotter than I anticipated so I fried like a lobster. I'm a wonderful shade of red...quick try and make me blush! Then last night I woke up in the middle of the night feeling all ill and pukey. I was apparently dehydrated and felt better after some water. Keith stayed over both Saturday and Sunday night. That's been so cool. I don't think he's as comfortable at my place as I am at his. It took me a while to get to that level. But we usually hang out at his place so I'll give him time to get to the comfort level of walking over to the fridge and raiding it!

I have no idea if he's updated his journal yet. And since I promised not to read it I guess I won't. Unless..... is anyone up for some good ol' fashioned spying? And just for the record I would like to mention that I told Keith he could read mine. Obviously there's nothing left to hide so it's not a huge deal if he reads mine now. I told him it would probably bore him.

But anyhoo....back to that spying gig....any takers? : )

2:52 p.m. - 2003-07-28


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