curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- First things first Surprisingly calm, I typed my card number in the little box and then with a deep breath I typed in my password. With eyes half closed I peeked through my lashes to see what frightening figure would pop up on my screen. I blinked once..I blinked twice....I wasn't as poor as I thought I was! Yah so I..um...I'm a shop-a-holic...or at least I've turned into one the last few days. I don't know what it is but I've just been spending money like it's going out of style! It started with a vcr (which was a necessity since my is completely kaput - it's guts are spewed over my living room - yah I haven't cleaned lately). Then I moved onto shoes, clothes (lots!), dvd's and miscellaneous items that add up rather quickly. Of course I still want to go tonight and buy the other pair of shoes I liked from Payless. You see, last year my friend T bought a pair of shoes that I envied - by the time I talked myself into buying a pair they were gone...for good. So now when I see something that I like I'll buy it (within reason of course). But for some reason I feel guilty for doing this. I don't know why I feel guilty. Probably because technically I'm splurging. And technically I should be saving. Oh and the fact that I'm buying clothes and a few months ago I told myself I couldn't buy any new ones until I lost some weight...any weight...10 pounds...5 pounds..it didn't matter as long as the scale didn't go up. Well it didn't go up...but it didn't go down either. And I still bought clothes. I blame it all on my trip to NS. I tell myself that I need clothes to wear and the old ones just won't do ya know! Yah so I am so bored at work. Bored out of my skull! I basically spend my days trying to look busy and practicing toggling between screens so it doesn't look like I spend my whole day surfing the net (which I do). When the boredom becomes to much I use my cold as an excuse to go home early (or heck not come in for the day) and then I go and hang out with Keith. Bad I know. But I only have next week to endure. Then after that I"m on vacation and when I get back our summer student will be gone and the workload will begin to even out to the point where I'll only have to surf half the day. Now don't get me wrong I'm really not bitching about being bored - they pay me well to be bored. I need the money to keep myself happy. Keith and I will joke around about my getting fired (okay so it doesn't sound funny when you write it out). Anywho I tell him he'll have to take care of me....in the style I've become accustomed to....which means expensive shopping splurges like the last few days. For the record - cherry gum from trident sucks. I swear within 5 minutes it looses it's flavour and then 10 minutes later it's harder to chew than tar! Stupid gum. Yah so during all this downtime (aka boredom) I keep reminding myself that there's this little novel thing I have hidden on a few disks and even have printed out in full lying around at home that I could be working on. But instead I find alternate things to do...like stare at the wall...or stare at my feet....or watch the digital clock as if it's the most entertaining thing on earth. I was 'pondering' this just a while ago while I went on my twentieth bathroom break of the day (I'm drinking tons of water today). I'm breaking down the reason why I won't touch the book. You see the book is pretty much done. It's missing small gaps here and there and has quite a bit of editing to be done...but still the book is for the most part just about finsihed. This. cannot. happen. You see if this happens. If I actually finish the book. Then I would have to actually go on to the next steps. Which is really based all around rejection. Rejection is just not cool. I fear rejection. This book may just totally suck and my writing may be so poor that I'll be laughed at. I don't dare show the book to anyone close to me - yah I'm that scared of rejection. This might be one of those things where it will sit with me and only me for the rest of my life. Or who knows, maybe I'll get some courage (from the Lion) and actually put myself out there. Who knows. All I do know is that I have to get rid of this gum! There. Done. Whew my mouth is really grateful. Ahhh more water. Sweet water. So last night I had a weird dream. I dreamt that I was sitting beside Joey from friends and for some reason he kept cupping my breasts. That's about as sexual as it gets but how bizzare is that? I can't believe I just wrote that in my diary. How bizzare am I? So this morning I had a really sweet surprise. I was laying in bed releshing those last few minutes before my alarm was about to buzz the final time and I would have to get up when I heard the chain lock on my door. I was totally floored when Keith came strolling in to walk me to work. It's the first time I've had to walk to work in over 2 months. I so didn't expect him. I love surprises like that. It's the ones that you least expect which please you the most. Ironically that's the first night I put my chain lock on in a looong time - go figure. Hmmm maybe I'll go work on the book. Nope..wait...look at all that dirt underneath the keys - ick - yes, I will go and clean my keyboard first and THEN I'll go and work on the book....yes...that's what I'll do. 2:38 p.m. - 2003-08-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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