curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Off loading So last night nothing was said about the whole journal thing. He did say that he thinks I look great and I shouldn't worry about my weight. Which yah leads me to believe that he read the journal thing but I'm done with that. No point making something out of it. He knows I'm neurotic - that's enough. So what did we do last night you ask? We fought over peas. Yes peas...green peas. Why you ask? Good question. You see as Keith was making dinner he asked if I would rather green beans or peas. I told him the beans cause I don't like peas. Well he gets totally upset with me. I never told him this! Why didn't I tell him this? He asked me a long time ago what foods I didn't like and I didn't mention peas! At first I thought he was kidding and then I realized that he really was upset over this. I apologized but c'mon it wasn't that sincere, we're talking about *peas* here! So whatever we let it go and then after dinner we're sitting around and we're gonna go grocery shopping and then he makes a comment about my laugh - apparently I've been 'developing' a new laugh and if I laugh like that with the 'wrong kind of people' I could be in trouble. I mean what the hell does that mean? I told him that the only people I laugh with are my friends and I don't think they're gonna flip out on me if my laugh sounds a bit off. So then I start questioning him. Cause obviously something is bugging him. I mean he's flipping out over peas for gawd's sake! Well he comes to his senses and does apologize for flipping out over the peas and realizes what an ass he was about it. I think we narrowed it down to him being upset about my moving in. So we had another discussion about it. For him it can't be too soon. For me it can. I told him that pressuring me just causes more stress and he agreed with this and said he had decided he wasn't going to mention it again and I would have to bring it up - very mature. I told him that I need to be sure we're stable before I move in. I told him that if we had a night like last night "getting upset over peas" then yah we weren't going to make it as a couple. So we've tentatively scheduled me to move in for the new year. I think he's upset cause he feels I doubt our relationship and that's why I won't move in. But what I can't seem to make him understand is that I'm going to be trusting him big time and moving in is a huge step and I really really don't want my heart ripped out and trampled on again - hurts way to much. So I'm hoping that we got this worked out. We're also going to start 'cleaning out' our respective places so when the time does come we will actually be able to combine 2 apartments into 1. That should be interesting. Of course I'm still not looking forward to the part where I tell my parents about this. No point worrying about it now, I'll just worry about it when the time comes. For some reason I feel like Scarlett O'Hara when I wrote that. Just to top off the stellar night we were already having, we had a little incident at bed time. Keith came over after groceries and we watched a little telli and then we went to bed - he wasn't staying the night cause it was his night off and he has to stay up for the majority of it to stay on his sleep schedule. So anyway we lay down and he's a little frisky but then he just wants to do the cuddle thing first - okay whatever - so we cuddle...and I get sleepy....I mean it's almost midnight and I'm a 9 to 5'er. So he gets upset that I'm sleepy...mind you he doesn't make a move...but he gets up to leave and he's all grumpy. I just wanted to throttle the man! I try and respect his sleep schedule as annoying as it is to wait until 2 o'clock on a Saturday to do anything I would rather him get a good sleep than be up and doing something with me. But it seems that sometimes he just doesn't care about my sleeping schedule. Work is more than stressful these days and sleep seems to be needed especially now. It's not like in the summer when it was 'all good' and the summer student was here and there wasn't too much pressure or stress than yah I could stay up later and I was tired the next day but it was no big deal - my brain could stay on cruise control. But that just can't happen anymore. There's too much going on at work and I need all the wits - especially since I seem to battling my manager every day with all the changes. Basically I'm trying not to get to screwed over with this whole process. And...well...I would just be so happy if he could understand this. Without me having to sit him down and spell it out. I want him to understand that although I have an office job it is demanding and it is challenging and I am going through tough times....I don't want to come home and fight about peas and then go to bed and fight about whether I'm too tired for sex or not. I want him just to know all this. And that is unreasonable I know this. And that's why I'm writing this all down here rather than talking to him about it cause I know I'm not being fair - but I don't want to be fair at the moment. I want to bitch and not have to worry about the ramifications. *sigh* I do feel a little better...it does help to just off-load. I'm supposed to be going swimming tonight with Keith and T. I'm crossing my fingers that no issues will arise. That we'll just go out and have a fun time. Maybe I'm just so use to my life being full of issues (especially work wise) that I blow them out of proportion? Food for thought. And just for the record....I wanted and was willing to have sex last night! Too tired? Who is ever too tired for sex? Bah...men. 12:28 p.m. - 2003-10-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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