curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Don't open that box of feelings!

Half an hour to go. Where did the day go? Ah well I won't complain that my work day has zoomed anyway.

So I have this problem. I'm not sure how common it is. Maybe there's other people out there who are experiencing the same thing. You clothes are shrinking. Especially the pants...a few tops...a few bras. Yah shrinking! It's insane. I think it must be the detergent I'm washing them in....or maybe the water is really hot and that's causing the shrinkage. Or maybe...maybe it's the fact that I haven't had a decent workout in so long I can't remember what it's like and the fact that my diet consists of every single thing thats bad for me. I think I'll stick with the shrinkage excuse.

This past weekend was okay. I did a lot of driving...lucky I like to drive or my life wouldn't be so much fun. I guess have my dad to thank for the 'driving gene'. We both love to drive. Anywho I drove home to my parents with my younger brother in tow. It was his 22nd b-day (baby!). We all surprised the crap out of him and got him a flat screen monitor for his computer. He had this teeny tiny old one that's ancient. On the way down he had been wondering out loud that maybe he would get some not so great gifts due to the fact that the past month has been filled with b-day's and we're all pretty whacked out and broke over them. But his fiance was a trouper and collected money from my tight fisted family and got him a gift he would like (love!). The only downfall to the whole weekend was that Keith wasn't with me. I missed him. A lot. I'm a sap. He had his family reunion to go to. He wanted me there but with conflicting schedules we both didn't get what we wanted. He must have missed me cause he let me wake him up around 7 after about 3 hours sleep. We just sat there and chatted until he had to go to work. We talked briefly about my moving in....and I got that nice knot in my stomach. You see sometimes I convince myself that hey my parents won't take it that bad. Who. Am. I. Kidding. My dad is a minister. My dad talked about sin and going to hell this past weekend in his sermon. And it's almost like my parents know that something is up cause lately they've taken to telling me how proud they are of me. How happy I make them. Just thinking of this has made my lower back tighten up (that's what happens when I'm stressed). I want to move in. I do. But....I just wish I didn't have to have my parents be disappointed in me when I tell them. And they will be. I honestly don't know how they'll take it. I have a feeling they'll try and talk me out of it. They won't threaten to disown me but I will feel the weight of their disappointment. Have I mentioned my tummy hurts?

It's hard to believe I'm 29 and still worried about what my parents will think. But oh if you only knew the history there. A lot of guilt on my part. That and I'm scared to death to lose my parents....2 heart attacks and one battle with cancer has me scared to death that I'm going to lose them all too soon. And to mix disappointing them in with it just leaves me....sad. I think they'll be worried that I'm juming in to's only been 6 months (although it seriously feels like it's been way longer - in a good way!). Also it kind of looks like this is the type of commitment we are choosing as opposed to marriage. But that's not the case. We are looking at marriage down the road. Keith's rule (which I believe in but never put into words like him) is that he has to date someone at least a year before preposal. Which makes sense. But I guess it doesn't help that I don't totally believe that you have to live with someone before marrying them. I mean I know everyone says you have to find out their little quirks. It's not like we're gonna move in together and I'll find out that he kills chickens in his bathroom first thing everymorning. Maybe he'll be a slob....oh wait he already is. Maybe he'll be cranky when he doesn't get enough sleep - oh wait he is already. I also kind of like the idea of leaving the whole moving in together thing because it gives you that nice anticipation thing. Then why don't I wait you ask? Well number one is Keith. We talk about this a lot...I don't think he'll ever totally see my point of view...and no he's not giving me an ultimatum he just wants to live with And my other reason for not waiting? Cause I want to be with him 24/7 too. I want to wake up beside him and not have to drive back and forth every single day just to see him. And I want to combine our stuff and just be happy. Oh why does everything always have to come with complications? Maybe it's me.

Oh and this morning I was woken up with my Monday morning wake up call to be given the news that his boss has asked him if he wanted to start working Saturday nights. And wait for's the kicker...he's actually thinking about it! Our one night to totally be together and he's thinking about it. Loverly. Just loverly. G'bye.

4:03 p.m. - 2003-11-17


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: