curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Catch up

I cannot frickin believe it is only 9 days before x-mas! How insane is that? I'm now thinking of the few gifts I still have to get and realize that like all the years before I am a last minute shopper...sigh...somethings never change.

My parents are coming to pick me up at lunch - they're down picking my brother up. He is now officially done university - unless of course he fails...which is not gonna happen cause he's a smart cookie. I'm gonna miss him. I won't get started on that cause I don't want to get all weepy eyed. Last night he wanted to gather his friends for his last night here and go have some wings. It turned out to be a mini drama as usual. He was kinda nervous about asking everyone since he knows Keith hates J and didn't want to create noise. I told him I would ask Keith but not to worry about it and just go ahead and plan it. Keith flat out refused. Then got upset. We talked about it for about an hour or so. He thinks I was trying to talk him into it for the time I was there really I just didn't want to leave while I knew he was so upset. I eventually left and we ended up pulling a little gathering together. It was a fun time. I'm gonna miss that brother of mine. Afterwards I went back over to Keith's who was surprised to see me. I had told him if it wasn't too late I would drop by but I guess he didn't believe me. Anyway I'm still not sure it was such a smart idea to drop by since we didn't seem to get much accomplished and it was still kind of upset and my being there didn't seem to accomplish anything good. I wrote more in detail in my home journal - where I can say stuff without it being taken the wrong way. Plus a girl has to have some secrets! I guess it didn't help that at the end of the night I told him that he looked sexier without his beard. I mean is it my fault that I'm not a beard woman...I never have been I don't think I will ever be. I love to see and feel the naked face. It's not like I told him he was ugly with the beard! He's still sexy but just that tad bit sexier without it.

So remember my bad karma in the last entry? My back was sore and I thought it was because I wasn't minding to much that Kieth was working. Nope. That night I couldn't move without a sharp pain in my back especially when I tried to take a deep breath. Only barely moving and lying down helped. I took the Thursday off and layed around all day and felt better except when I left to go over to Keith's and then the pain came back 2-fold. Keith guessed that it was a problem with my back and told me I should see his chiropractor. I agreed. I was in that much pain that I agreed to see the very person that I mock other people who see them. I had an appointment for Friday morning. I have what's called a sublexation (sp?) in other words a pinched nerve in my upper back. With all the twisting of the spine etc I ended up pulling some ribs out of wack and thus the difficulty breathing. She did an adjustment and then sent me for some x-rays cause she was a little concerned about my lower back. You see I've always had problems with my lower back. It's hurt for as long as I can remember. I'm thinking that it started about 6 years ago when I got in my car accident. Actually I was in two but I only went for physio in one of them. That was the second car accident so I guess the first one was sort of an appetizer for my back problems. I had a little physio that was covered and then was sent on my way. I didn't think about appealing it or anything. I mean my back wasn't that bad, a tad sore but I could live with it. Then when I got my x-rays back and found out that oh I am in pretty bad shape that was sort of unsettling. I'm losing disc space - not quite sure what that means cause I sort of got all this jargon thrown at me. All I know is that it's kind of important to correct these problems now. I will just have to invest a lot of time (2-3 times a week for the next several weeks) and quite a bit of moola. I may be able to get work to pay for some but I've used up quite a bit of it on massage - which is very important! So yah that's what I've been dealing with. I had my first adjustment on my lower back yesterday and instead of feeling better I hurt. Apparently this is common. I was toying with going to the gym cause I'm seriously starting to feel like a huge jellyfish (my coworker gave me her 'fat' clothes cause she's losing weight - yah I don't fit into those! talk about depressing) Yah so I wanted to go to the gym but then I don't want to jeopardize my whole back thing. Especially the upper - cause I can live with the lower - obviously. I had just about convinced myself to go when as I was running lightly up the stairs to Keith's and the pain in my back started killin'. Well that kind of sealed it for me. I mean really go to the gym just to find out that any excessive moving is going to cause pain. I was sort of down about this yesterday. I mean I'm not that old to be having back problems. I could see if I did a hard job or screwed it up in my younger years like Keith but I consider myself relatively healthy. I noticed that I was walking around kind of gingerly and hesitantly. Today the bounce is back in my step. I realized that if I walk around like I'm sick or in pain than chances are I'm probably gonna concentrate on it more. Yah the pain is there but the whole word doesn't have to know or be able to tell by looking at me. Just suck it up. Yup sounds good.

So on the weekend we had both x-mas parties. I procrastinated going to S's until 9:30 at which time when I showed up she was pretty pissed at me. I played up the whole back thing and some slack was given to me. Kim and her man showed up about half hour after us they didn't get slack cause they came from farther away - although they probably left their house when I left mine - but whatever. All night I got 'teased' cause I wasn't drinking. I had decided that I didn't want to drink it was to much hassle in trying to figure out cab arrangements etc. There was no where to stay at her place so I just decided to forego the drinking. You would have that I was creating some sort of evil plot. They razzed me all night long and I swear to God I was thisclose to telling them all to f*ck off and walk out the door. These are my supposed friends....they cross the line...we all know it. Someday they may not be my friends. I don't need to go to places for people to make me feel like crap. I could just be over emotional at the moment. But there has been other times where I was close to walking out on them and even once that I actually did leave. Yup these people are my friends. The next day we all did brunch. S called me and told me we were meeting up in half an hour. I jumped in the shower, got dressed, drove over and picked up my brother and then drove to the restaurant....they were all halfway done their meals. Do you know what? I am way to upset to write about this right now. I seriously didn't know it bothered me this much but I can feel the anger and resentment streaming from fingers as I type this all out. Calm blue ocean.

I"m going to lunch now with my parents. And my back up is running late - what else is new?

12:10 p.m. - 2003-12-16


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: