curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Bad....would be an understatement.

It's gonna be a long day. It's only a little after 9 and I'm done all my work. Things are a tad slow. I could be reading my new manual or 'the bible' as it's called around here....interestingly enough I'm suddenly finding that term offensive. I was going to save this entry and write it on my lunch - which means I wouldn't have to toggle between screens when I think I hear someone coming BUT since the morning seems to be stretching ahead of me and I can't get this entry out of my head I'm just gonna write it now.

Last night. Last night will go down in history for me as one of the very first times in my life I had an 'adult' conversation with my parents. You see I was kind of an idiot, I kind of forgot that with all my praying and such my dad already has the big man in his corner. Here's how it went down.

After my chiro appointment I went over to Keith's. He was up and in a fairly good mood. He had read my diary and was quite eager for me to call. I hmmed and hawwed, felt my hands and my feet go numb with coldness and finally picked up the phone and called my was busy. There line was busy for the next half hour or so. We tried off and on and finally gave up cause poor Keith was going to vanish before my eyes from starvation. So we got ready, left his place, bought some groceries and went to my place. As he was preparing dinner I picked up the phone once more - it rang - my brother answered - my parents had gone out for about 20 minutes. I told my brother what I was planning on talking to them about. He didn't sound overly confident but he thought it was worth a shot. So about 10 minutes later my phone's my mom. She sounds kinda down, it turns out they were at the funeral home for a visitation. So I chat for a while about a dress I have to mail to NS for a wedding and then before she has a chance to ask me what's new I tell her my news. I told her that Keith and I were looking at our future and are both on the same page about getting engaged and married not to far down the road and thus we're considering living together. Dead silence. Then my mom came right out and asked me not to do it. Straight out. No beating around the bush. Then the kicker came when she said my dad would be upset cause he sees a lot of couples who move in together and then when they get married they regret living together first. She also said that she would honestly be disappointed if I did it. She asked me to talk it over more with Keith and if we still wanted to do it, would we talk to her and dad face to face. I told her that Keith and I would talk about it more before doing anything. I hung up the phone and immediately started bawling. I knew it wasn't going to go smoothly but this was worse than I had imagined. I walked out into the kitchen and Keith looked at me and guessed that I got chicken and didn't tell her. Through my tears I told him what had happened. He comforted me but I could also tell he was upset too. I told him that my mom would tell my dad and my dad would call me in a day or so. I was wrong. He called me in little over an hour. My call with him went surprisingly well. I guess I expected my mom's same knee jerk reaction and maybe some guilt thrown on for good measure. Instead my dad was calm, cool, rational and talked to me like a person. He didn't preach to me at all. In fact religion never entered our conversation. You see, he's had a lot of experience in dealing with couples who are already living together when they get married. He was sharing his knowledge and what he's learned. He also told me that my mom and him would be footing the bill of my wedding. This was news to me. I guess I just always assumed that I would be the one paying for it. Then he asked me 101 questions about what kind of wedding I wanted. That was kind of wonky. I think my parents were surprised that Keith and I were actually looking at the big M. Of course after my conversation with my dad I think I might have freaked Keith out cause I had wedding bells ringing in my head. He's always said that he'd have to be with someone for one year before he proposed. I guess it just sounds odd to me cause I never put a time frame on love before. To me if it feels right then do it. Of course that doesn't mean I would marry someone the first month I met them. Obviously there has to be some good 'ol reality in there. But things seemed to be looking up a little after my dads talk. All along I have said to Keith that I love the idea of waiting until we're married to move in together. For me it just makes it that much more special. I want to experience all out firsts as 'man and wife' not 'live-in boyfriend and girlfriend'. But then again I've always been the hopeless romantic. I'm the kind of girl who reads romance novels and who watches those sappy romantic comedies and actually cries at them. I remember watching Pretty Woman (okay so it was about a hooker but still there was romance!) and Edward (Richard Gere) offers to put her up in a nice apartment and give her money and when he comes to town they would be together. And she gives some sort of response that she had always pictured some knight in shining armour to come along and rescue her and live happily ever after - not shack up with her and pay her bills. Okay that has come out all wrong. But suffice to say that I will and probably always will be a hopeless romantic and to me marriage is romantic. Sharing my life with someone who I know has pledged to share their life with mine is exciting. I want to start that excitement off on the right foot. I want to make a home with someone and know that we share everything. It's not 'his' apartment and 'my' bed - it's 'ours'. We're sharing our lives together...forever.

I tried explaining some of that to Keith but I don't know if I made any sense or not. He really wants to live together first. I don't know if it's me he has to check out or if he wants me to see if I can handle living with him. I told him that I love him. All of him. I know that he's a cranky pants when he doesn't get enough sleep and he's a mega slob (like me) but unless he chops up small kids as a hobby then I really don't think there's anything that he'll do that will bother me enough to decide not to spend the rest of my life with him. Although that putting the toilet paper on backwards is a little irritating. :P

So I'm now going through the process of telling my co-workers and friends what happened. They're pretty supportive. I thought I was doing pretty good with it all until this morning when I was looking for my gloves and almost had a nervous breakdown when I couldn't find them. Hmmmm me thinks someone is not so calm and okay with everything as she seems.

Then this morning I swear I am totally neurotic cause I came into work and was actually worried about finding an email from Keith and when I didn't I went into diaryland and see if he wrote an entry - he didn't. I guess part of me is worried that with all this nonesense he's just gonna decide that it's not worth the hassle....I'm not worth the hassle. Welcome low self's been a while.... haven't missed you all that much.

So last night before the drama went down I tried on my maid of honour dress from 8 months ago - the top fit...the skirt didn't. Go me. Me hips are a bit wider than before which I already knew. The first thing to inflate on me are my hips. They want to make themselves noticed. I was looking at my mom on the weekend and she's about the same body type as me except she's had 3 kids so she deserves the extra layers. But I was looking at her hips - hers don't jut out. I mean what the hell? Who am I getting these hideous hips from? I've only ever seen pictures of my paternal grandmothers and they were both thin in there pictures. Dang it all. So project 'lose the hips' is gonna have to get in gear. The gym and I are gonna have to become reaquainted - my chiro appointments are weedling down to 2 a week so that's good. Like everyone else I'm pretty much planning on starting the 'healthy lifestyle' Jan 1 or more likely Jan 5 on the Monday! Which I guess means I can keep eating these homemade shortbread cookies that are sitting beside me!

Can someone please remind me that everything happens for a reason? (deep sigh). I guess that year in review will just have to wait cause I'm emotionally spent.

9:20 a.m. - 2003-12-29


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