curious-me's Diaryland Diary


People and clutter suck!

***Warning - bitchy entry ahead*** A life without clutter. Just imagining it makes me smile. I look into other apartments in my building and see clean, uncluttered spaces. I attempt to pick up my clutter every few days it seems. I attempt to re-arrange my clutter on a constant basis. I seem to fail miserably. I cannot shake clutter.

As I stood in my clutter last night I told Keith that I wanted to move and leave all my clutter behind. Start fresh. That would be pretty expensive though.

Then this morning I was standing looking at my clutter while I was getting ready for work and rather than feel the usual frustration when looking at my clutter filled living room. I got pissed. Pissed that I don't live in a house but a small one bedroom apartment. If I had a house - even a small house my 'stuff' would be so spread out that guess what? It wouldn't be clutter! Granted a lot of the stuff I have is sentimental 'junk' according to some people but still spread out in a house it's not clutter. I'm sick of trying to find places to 'stash' my clutter. I'm sick of finding creative ways to hide my stuff. I have 2 closets. One in the bedroom and one off the kitchen. The one off the kitchen is a joke. It's tiny. Tiny. Even my mop and bucket won't fit in it. That gets to sit out on my kitchen floor. I'm sick of clutter. I'm sick of living in an apartment. I want a house damnit.

When I start thinking like this I usually placate myself by saying 'someday' Keith and I will get married. 'Someday' we will buy a house. When does 'someday' come? Sometimes I enterain wild ideas about actually doing it on my own. Finally stop spending all my money on clothes and stuff I don't need, buckle down and save and buy myself a house. It's a sweet dream. Not sure how realistic but somedays it's all that keeps me from going insane in my small apartment.

There's an undertone of anger in this entry. Why? Cause my stupid 35 dollar yardsale bike that I bought about a month ago was stolen last night. Some punk ass kid(s) picked the lock and took it. Poof. Just like that. It's not like the bike was that expensive but that's not the point. It was mine. My bike. What the hell is wrong with people that they just go around 'taking' what they want? People suck.

Of course I was upset that my bike was gone. And it so didn't help when Keith basically said that it was my fault some asswipe stole my bike. My fault. Why? Because I hadn't rode it in a week or two. So because I didn't ride my bike that gives someone the right to steal it? I have a problem with that theory. So if I decide to leave my car sit for a week and walk everywhere does that give someone the right to steal my car too? Where does it end? I'm sorry but if I decide I don't want to bike for a week, a month, a friggin' year that does NOT give someone the right to steal ANYTHING from me.

Now. Now I must go and work on letting go of this anger. It's not healthy. It's not really doing me any good.

Last night by the time I went to bed my head was killing me. I had a headache most of the night but when I went to bed it was like someone was trying to split my head open with a dull knife. I told Keith that I'm glad I don't suffer from migraines cause this headache was pretty bad. He then said that the way I described my headache it sounded like a migraine. Let's hope that's not the case. My mom suffered from migraines when I was growing up. Not all that frequently. But enough that it's burned into my memory how bad she was when she had them.

Did I mention that yesterday I had decided I was going to bike to work today? Yah I decided since I had a chiro appointment after work and wouldn't have time to go to the gym I would bike and get some exercise that way. Guess it wasn't meant to be? Why? Because some punk snot ass little bastard decided he wanted the thrill of stealing something. Is it wrong to hope that he crashed my bike and is lying in a pool of blood as I write this?

Must. Go. Wash. The. Anger. Away. Lettin' it go. *Deep breath*

9:10 a.m. - 2004-07-06


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