curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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Feelings -

I was very close to not posting the entry I did yesterday. I had written it in a word document first and by the end of the day I still hadn't had a chance to post my entry. Then I started to debate whether to post or not.

But I'm glad I did. These are my feelings about my weight and they're valid. I shouldn't be ashamed to write about these things. How can I go forward if I don't? Who has been watching too much Dr. Phil? (I guiltily raise my hand). Don't ask. For some reason (if I'm home) from 5 - 6 I've started watching Dr. Phil. There could be worse things I suppose.

I was also surprised when I checked my email to find that I had a comment about my entry. Knock me over with a feather - more than one person reads this? Humph. Who knew? I only got a chance to read the note quickly (not supposed to be on the internet during certain times ya know) but the words were very kind and supportive. It felt pretty good to read them.

I think my emotional day yesterday left me a little sensitive as I broke down last night. I was fed up with getting the brunt - hell all of it - of Keith's crankiness. I know that he's tired cause his sleep routine has been upset for the last week or so but….I don't deserve to be treated as harshly as he sometimes treats me. He did apologize, after I stormed out of the bedroom and went on the sofa and cried. I try to take his crankiness with a grain of salt but sometimes it gets to be too much. And honestly? Sometimes this lack of self esteem I feel lets me take more than I should. I won't go as far as to say that I feel I deserve it…..but my insecurities sometimes get the best of me.

Before the blow up we went to Walmart to get new gym clothes for both of us. We then quickly grabbed a bite at Wendy's. We were both so tired (I had a sore throat and just felt overall tired and Keith was tired from lack of sleep). At one point I honestly thought we weren't going to go. But then we got our shit in gear and actually made it to the gym for Keith's orientation. I tagged along since I was never shown the proper way to use the weight machines. We then actually had a mini workout which I was surprised over but pleased.

Then we headed over to my place. The blow up happened then. Once we cleared that up we headed to bed….at 9 o'clock! It did take me about half an hour or so to actually fall asleep but all that sleep was much needed. I was still sleeping soundly when my alarm went off at 7:20. The miracle of sleep.

Now I must go and try and figure out how to order Darien Lake 6 Flag tickets online. They have a special but when I enter my billing info it asks what state I live in…ummmm I chose Canada from your stupid drop down menu - and of course this is a 'required field'. Oh and the best part? To contact them I can either phone or fax (the States!) or mail them - not email them. Efficient.

My boss did give me a tip to check border crossings as they sell them there for cheap and she even gave me a website. Soooo I guess if I checked it out during working hours it wouldn't be that bad. Just a thought. She just left for the day and is not in tomorrow so I won't see her until I get back. No comment.

Okay I just ordered and printed the tickets. I now live in the state of Alabama if anyone cares. Over and out.

4:32 p.m. - 2004-08-05

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