curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my weekend & other stuff If I see another small bug it will be too soon. I have now developed a phobia of bugs. But it's my own doing. You see, I tend to keep things well past their expiration date. I have a problem throwing things away (that's putting it mildly). I keep nuts from x-mas past, I keep candy from b-day past. I never get around to eating them myself so I keep them for friends and family who may visit. The problem is people aren't eating the stuff fast enough. Thus the bug problem. Gross I know. It started with the x-mas nuts when about a month ago T went to crack a nut open and out came some bugs. Trust me I am as disgusted with myself as you are. I promptly threw all nuts away and began the freak out. Now I�m finding that bugs are apparently attracted to candy as well. Argh! So last night I spent a lot of time finding my miscellaneous piles of candy and chucking them. I wouldn't even look closely at them - I was that disgusted (and afraid). My place seriously looks like a bomb went off in my living room. I pulled out tables and vacuumed to make sure no candy or bugs got away. It's not as bad as it sounds but I'm now on paranoia alert. I also started trying to 'organize' all my stuff into the bins I bought. A lot harder than I thought it would be. It doesn't help that I have this huge drying rack sitting smack dab in the middle of the floor doing the job the dryer in my building is supposed to do (but doesn't). I spent Friday night cleaning out my closet. I now have a large container in the middle of the floor full of clothes that don't fit me. Depressing to say the least. But I couldn't stand going through my closet trying to find something to wear and seeing all these clothes hanging there mocking me. I still have hope of fitting into these one day so they aren't going to far. As far as that goes, I'm not holding my breath for my weigh-in this week. I went to the gym once last week and ate out 3 times! The weekend was a total blow out. I knew the ribs would be in there cause of Rib Fest but the cotton candy and the candy apple were a bit excessive. Enough of that topic. Besides the pig out my weekend was pretty good. On Saturday I spent the day hanging out with T which I hadn't done in a very long time. It was quite fun. We went to the Busker Festival in Waterloo and then went shopping everywhere. I was such a good girl, I spent $30 all on practical stuff. After our shopping spree (heh) we went to lunch at a Greek restaurant not far from T's that has food to die for. Each bite is a tiny orgasm. We may be going there at the end of the week with C. After that we headed back to T's for a swim. Of course we decided to vacuum her pool and some how T ended up almost breaking the pump. We couldn't get a cover on and the water was spewing everywhere. If it wasn't such a costly item I would have been laughing the whole time - we looked so comical standing in our swim suits outside of the pool trying to keep this cover on and the water in. Of course to make matters more insane it started to rain - hard. Good thing we were in our suits. Somehow we managed to get the cover on - suction. It turned out that this wasn't the right way but at least it stayed on till her man managed to get home and fix it. It rained for the next hour or so - hard. We debated about rib fest but finally decided to just do it - to heck with the rain. But luckily the rain pretty much stopped by the time we arrived. The ground was soggy but the lines were short! Nice pay off. Last night Keith and I ended our weekend on a not so good note. I was watching "Casino" and was exclaiming how this one guy was flirting (and more!) with his ex while his girlfriend was right there. Of course this gets Keith to make some comment about how I did worse with J OVER A YEAR AGO. And if it was as cut and dry as he makes it out to be then we would seriously be in trouble cause apparently I would be a total whore. One of my motto's in life is 'put yourself in someone else's shoes'. Why Keith just can't do this is beyond me. Go back and read when I first broke up and the pain I was in. People do stupid things for stupid reasons and I'm oh so tired of explaining myself. I can only apologize so many times. I'm afraid this may be a hurdle that's standing in our way stopping us from taking the next step. Trust is a huge thing. I know. I have never trusted my first ex. Ever. I still don't. I take everything he tells me with a grain of salt. He's lied to me so many times. I know how much it hurts. I wouldn't do that to someone I loved. I like to think that I learn from my mistakes (and my past). I've also come to realize that maybe I shouldn't be such an open book about my past. I�m the first to admit the mistakes I have made and the things I have done to other people. But what people don't seem to get is that I'm different. I was different back then. Or maybe the situation I was in was so screwed up that it was my only recourse. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how much I try to explain the situation people can't understand unless they knew me back then - like my friend S. She went through all that shit with me and she's probably the only one who truly understands why I did the things I did. She knows my first ex manipulated me so much and hurt me in so many ways. She was an awesome friend and stood by me the whole time. She didn't once ever say "I told you he was bad for you!" or "You deserve what you get". Never. She just stood by me and when I called her cause I needed her she was there. She dropped everything for me. She came and helped me pack and let me cry on her shoulder. Okay that went way off tangent. The point was when Keith was saying these things I got upset and when he asked me what was wrong I said that I'm not sure if he'll ever really trust me and that bothers me. He walked away and then a few minutes later went for a nap before work. So really I don't know what he thinks anymore. I dropped him off at work but we were both quiet. This morning he did call me but only to tell me that his roof leaked over the weekend and he's gonna have to call his landlord. We have a tendency not to discuss stuff - just let it slide. I know why I do it. There's still a part of me that doesn't want to 'make waves' or 'push things'. There's a part of me that's afraid of the outcome. The part that still expects a break up out of the blue. I'm getting better but there's still a small part of me with that fear. I sometimes wonder if it will ever go away. I hope so. For both of our sakes. In other non-dramatic news I walked to work this morning. Not as bad as I thought it would be. I forgot how much I liked the walk. Of course I was nice and sweaty when I got to work. Some things never change. Well it's just about lunch time. Time to go and post this and then go hunt me some food. 2:06 p.m. - 2004-08-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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