curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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A tale of woes

Money woes and friend woes. Let's just throw in weight woes to even it all out. Which one to start with?

Let's start with money woes. Cause it's not technically a 'woe'. It's more like, why does money make the world go around. I know people say, that money doesn't buy happiness, but it's a start. I'm babbling. I've been online looking at my bank account. Then I went and looked at my chiro and massage payments and realized that if I only have one chiro appointment a month (which means no more emergency visits!) I will have enough money left over for one massage - one! But I guess I really shouldn't complain cause Iím basically getting $500 worth of free massages and chiro appointments. It could be worse - I could have to pay for them all. Like my boy. I tease him with that incentive to marry me - he'll have my benefits too. Love just isn't enough these days apparently.

Weight woes are the same as always. The last week or so was just bad. With the b-day celebrations, eating right wasn't much of an option and going to the gym was laughable. I did go yesterday though so there's still hope. I also signed up for another boxercise course on Thursday's. Let's hope people actually show up to this one (including the instructor). The first class is this Thursday. Just keep plugging away. Of course I will have to get serious since pretty soon I imagine my future sister in law is actually going to want me to start trying on dreaded bridesmaid dresses. Oh joy.

Ah, now the biggie, friend woes. Deep sigh. So yesterday was filled with head games galore. My friend S never responded to my email about her paying for the tickets if I couldn't sell them. Then my friend Kim emailed me twice yesterday asking if I was heading into Toronto this weekend. The only reason she would do this was if S filled her in and put her up to it. My theory was if I responded negatively then S would be a bitch back to me about the tickets but if I responded positively then she would contain the venom in her next email to me. But I was not to be played so easily. I didn't respond to her emails. And guess who called me last night? Yup S. She was all like, "Kim was emailing you and was worried when you didn't respond". We actually talked civilly. In true S style she never apologized. No she just went on about how sucky the hall was and how she was really disappointed when she wrote the email. I, again, reiterated that with 12 of us going even if the hall does suck we can have a kick ass time! By the end of our call she seemed to come around and was actually talking about going. We never discussed money - we never do. She did say things were tight financially which reads her man still hasn't found a job. I decided to go ahead and go to Toronto this weekend. I figured there was no point in throwing a hissy fit now or being all bitter about what was happening. This didn't sit too well with T who went on a little rant about how she worries that I'm letting S walk all over me and do and say what she wants to cause she could get away with it. Which made me start to think about things. Specifically that a lot of stuff that happened and does happen in my life nobody really understands. It's like there's all these things that happen at one time or another and in my mind they add up and make sense but to someone else they only see part of what's going on. I don't know if this makes sense. Maybe I'm just like one of those abused women who make excuses for her man - "but he's really nice to me when nobody's around". More food for thought.

But like I said to T, S and I have definitely been drifting apart as the years go on. Our friendship isn't what it once was and the more she pulls stunts like this past ticket upset the further apart we're going to get. I will have the compulsion to see her less and less until it's a once a year thing. And unfortunately this won't really bother me because I see the events that have led us this far. I don't mind seeing her once every few monthsÖbecause this is where the events of our past have led us. This is what her actions have done to us. I don't know if she'll ever 'get' this or just think we're too busy to see each other and have drifted apart. I will know the truth. As sad as it is. But, that's reality.

I am an upside down pumpkin pie today. Iím wearing white pants with an orange shirt. Pie and whipped cream. Mmmm. Itís to honor Fall coming in at noon today. Half and half. Yah I am just that weird.

4:24 p.m. - 2004-09-22

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