curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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Relationship repeat? I wish I knew.

Two bandaids on my big toes, and 3 cuts on my right hand. Can you tell it was a good weekend?
Okay only the bandaids had anything to do with what happened this weekend. The cuts were just me being stupid. The first cut on my thumb I got while trying to open an Oreo cookies package (yah sad but true). The other two cuts happened last night while I tried to cut my swiss chalet bun with a very sharp knife (maybe holding the bun and slicing down with a knife into my palm wasn't the smartest idea). Good times.
Speaking of 'good times' - this weekend reminded me why I physically can't go to the bars every weekend. I just don't have the stamina for it. And drinking excessive amounts usually leads to some kind of bad scene and lucky for me this weekend I got to play out the cliché drunken bad scene with Keith.
The weekend started off chaotic as usual. We were an hour late going to Toronto but we were also the first to arrive. Next time I won't agree to be there for 4 (a tad too early).
But we arrived, had some bbq'd hotdogs and then the drinking began. So of course by 9 we were half in the bag already. By the time we were ready to leave for the club around 11 we were all the way in the bag. We ended up walking the 8 or so blocks to Velvet Underground (close by and no cover). When we got there, there was about 5 people on the dance floor, within half an hour the place was packed.
Let's see in the 3 hours we were there: S danced with a butt ugly guy all night (I'm talking grindage and all). Keith got dragged away by a girl who brought him over to talk to her friend who liked him (he told her had a girlfriend and left; of course this fed his ego big time). And then there's T. Oh lordy, this woman went in over her head this weekend. She not only danced with a guy all night but ended up smooching with him by the end of the night (just for the record she's still taken). Thankfully we ended up taking a cab home - my feet were toast by then (thus the 2 bandaids today). This is when T started freaking about making out with the guy in the club. We stopped at 7/11 got some munchies and walked the block to S's home. T and I both carried our shoes home. Once home S was pretty much done for the night and went to bed. I ended up ordering a pizza for T and Keith. Then T and Keith argued about stuff for a while and I started getting pissed off. Why? Cause I was drunk. Then Keith asked me what was wrong and I told him that I was pissed that he was being a perv all night and making jokes about seeing my friends naked etc. I was a bit peeved over this but not enough to start a fight (which I was doing). Keith immediately got pissed off and ended up walking off. An hour later he still hadn't come back, T had gone to bed and I was sitting outside getting more worried by the moment. It was around 4:30. Of course then I started thinking about what was really bothering me. So by the time Keith showed up I of course was crying and had to apologize for being a jerk. I told him that the real reason I was upset was because at the club, him, T and S all got hit on and I got nothing. I mean it's not that serious but I'm down on myself enough these days that this little issue was magnified in my eyes. Keith then went on to tell me that I pissed him off so much he was considering leaving and just taking the bus home. Which would have killed me. He then goes on to tell me that small things I have been doing have reminded him of his ex (whom he hates) and that he was worried over this. Of course this is the first I hear of this and of course, he can't really put into words the things I have been doing.
And this? This just pissed me off and gave me a perma knot in my stomach. This is a flashback to my days with J when I was in lala land and he was not happy. Is history going to repeat itself?
Keith did have one example. On Friday we were heading over to the store across my street, while he was running something up to my apartment I found the paper and started reading the headlines. Wham. There on the front page was my one night stand. Who was convicted of doing some bad things - no jail time though. But, of course, I didn't have time to process this so when Keith came out and found me starting at this paper in shock I didn't have time to think this through I told him about the guy in the paper. He already knew about the one night stand but now he knows the name and the face. So fast forward a few hours later, we're getting frisky and he pulls back but then we continue on. It turns out he was a little worried that I was wanting to get frisky because of the article in the paper. I swore up and down that the two weren't related and he did say he believes me but still….perma knot.
After a few hours sleep on Sunday we awoke to S puking but she was a trooper and still went into work. Half way home T told me she wasn't feeling well, so I pulled off at a rest stop and she did the same. I was surprisingly fine - just extremely tired and hungry.
The rest of Sunday was of course a write off. I watched all the stuff I had taped during the week and had a 3 hour nap. Of course when I went to bed I was so tired that I couldn't sleep. Finally around midnight I drifted off to sleep.
This morning I awoke with a headache. It's never really left so I've been popping pills all morning. I also got a call from T this morning who is now suffering the pangs of a guilty conscience. And who does she turn to for advice? Yah me. Her and her man are going through some tough times and I fear if she tells him then this will be the nail in their (relationship) coffin. But I also know that if she doesn't, the truth has a way of coming out whether you like it or not. She really should have found someone else for advice. But we both agreed that this stuff happens during extenuating circumstances. It's never black and white (well rarely). Relationships are so damn complicated. I hate how you think things are going good then wham you get hit with a big ugly roadblock that sometimes leads to the end of the relationship.
I also told Keith during our drunken fight night that I had started taking him for granted. Which is another no-no. Well to a degree anyway. I don't know. I just know what Keith said really shook me up. This past week has been like any other for me but not him? The word 'repeat' runs through my mind. Repeat of my past relationship. I'm not sure where to go from here.
I wish I knew.

1:00 p.m. - 2004-09-27

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