curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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50 things about me

My first entry of 2005!!

I've always wanted to do a 50's list, but I have a whole list of excuses of why I never have. Plus would people really be interested in reading this? But life's about trying new things, so here I go. My first 50's list! Things about me:

1. I turned 30 on my last birthday.

2. I was upset about turning this age but I think I dealt with it pretty good.

3. Why was I upset? Cause I had always believed that I would at least be married by age 30 and hopefully have a kid (or two).

4. I'm still holding out for the kid (or two) - especially since the married part will definitely be happening in 2005!

5. I can't believe Iím engaged!

6. I'd never been asked before and it felt surreal!

7. I'm engaged to one of the most amazing men I've ever met.

8. Sometimes I look at him and can't believe that he's mine. Still.

9. I've always felt somewhat inferior with most of my boyfriends. It boils down to low self-esteem.

10. It's always worse when I'm not exercising and eating right and don't like how I'm looking on the outside.

11. I am a total momma's girl and daddy's girl. I heart my family big time.

12. I know that I do have issues with them though. I want to please them and a lot of the times I put this before my own happiness.

13. I almost lost both of my parents.

14. First my mom to a heart attack about 6 years ago. I lived in Oshawa, my parents lived in Quebec. It was the scariest 5 hour drive of my live. My then boyfriend got a speeding ticket on the way down - he didn't try to talk his way out of it. Just took the ticket and drove off.

15. The most memorable moment of that trip came when my 2 brothers and I stood around my mom's bed and she told us that she wanted us to know that if this was her time to go she was okay with it and she loved us very much.

16. I'm crying while I type this.

17. Obviously she made it through but I learned at that moment just how much my parents mean to me.

18. She had another scare a few years later. They lived closer but the hour drive to the hospital felt like an eternity.

19. I remember I was emailing back and forth with P flirting and I got the call from my dad. He was crying. I remembered that I had to send P an explanation and wrote that I had to go to the hospital my mom just had a heart attack. That was the weirdest moment.

20. I called my supervisor to tell her I had to leave, she wasn't at her desk so I called the call centre and asked whoever answered to look around. They found her and told her it was an emergency and she had to call me right away. She called all sarcastic cause we used to joke around like that. I blurted out about my mom and she was there within 30 seconds.

21. I drove really fast that day. No speeding ticket.

22. I hate hospitals. But don't most people?

23. I hate seeing my dad looking lost without my mom.

24. The first time we survived off chocolate bars. Seriously we had a huge box of Crispy Crunch and we all had several a day.

25. I no longer like Crispy Crunch.

26. My dad's health scare was more subtle. We all thought he had a blocked bowel and the hospital gave him drugs to 'push it all through'. This made things much worse and he was in intolerable pain. They x-rayed and found a tumor. They did immediate surgery.

27. It was cancerous.

28. I found out when I lived in Kitchener and my mom called in the middle of the night to give me the news. I cried on the couch while P slept and didn't come out to comfort me.

29. Did I mention that the first ex R refused to drive me to Quebec when I first called him? We had had a fight the night before and broke up (one of many) he probably thought it was a plot to get him back.

30. After a lot of praying, crying and hospital time my dad was told that the cancer was gone. It went away by itself. No trace of it. My dad still tears up whenever he tells the story. So do I.

31. Now do you see why it kills me to disappoint my parents?

32. Wow I'm zipping along with this thing!

33. I went through the worst break up ever with J. He was 7 years younger than me. It was doomed from the beginning but he made me believe it could work. I don't think I'll ever forgive him for that.

34. I totally believe in the saying, "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger".

35. Also, "everything happens for a reason".

36. I would tell myself after the break up that I would meet the most amazing guy and be totally happy with him and J would just be a memory.

37. This came true!!

38. I met Keith online.

39. He's the only guy who's name I use in full (on a regular basis - I slip every now and then). I started using the guys' real names that I met online in full cause they didn't seem to be lasting.

40. Even though my memory sucks I still remember my first kiss with Keith, pretty much my first everything with Keith is burned in my memory. I still get that 'feeling' when I think about them.

41. I always try to do get him to cut my toenails. (I had to have a few embarrassing things in here!) He tries to resist but he'll give in if I plead enough. Plus he can't stand how I cut mine. I never knew there was a proper way until I met him.

42. This is the meaning of life. 42. I learned that from my brother. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Keith already knew about it. Him and my brother get along great. If you pay attention in movies and shows the number 42 comes up a lot.

43. I get nippley when I go to the bathroom. Keith says it's cause I wipe too hard 'down there'. I like to think that I'm just that sexual a person! I have to give them a little pat so I don't walk out of the women's washroom looking like I'm turned on. Tmi?

44. 4 is my favourite number. Not sure why - just is. So 44 rocks! Speaking of rocks, I love my engagement ring. It's not traditional in the sense that it's a solitaire sticking out, I specifically told Keith that I can't have that kind of ring. I'm a klutz and I know I would get it caught specifically in my hair. He listened. It's gorgeous.

45. I should upgrade my diaryland and actually get an account so that I can post pictures.

46. I'm so not computer savvy! HTML - what? Hopefully when the big move happens and Keith and I are in one place together I'll be able to use his computer and his knowledge to do the above.

47. I think if I did that I would start fresh and get rid of my archives. Along with pictures comes more chances of being 'found out'. I've said some pretty unflattering things about people in this diary. It's how I felt at the time. But still - it could come back to bite me on the ass. Pictures or archives?

48. Almost at 50 - this was fun! Anyone learn anything? Anyone reading?

49. I try not to go and look to see who has my diary listed as their favourite. It has too much power over me. I have to remind myself that I write this diary mostly for myself and that if other people get a chuckle or waste some time reading this than it's all good.

50. I had a summer of 'it's all good'. I had broken up with the first ex and was finding myself. I was powerful. I learned that I didn't need a man to define who I am and that other men really were attracted to me and I reveled in that feeling. I loved that feeling.

4:35 p.m. - 2005-01-05

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