curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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this day could have been better

I feel disconnected. Distracted. I feel a lot of things. I wish I could go home but I'm needed at work.

I found out this morning that 2 of my friends (sisters) father passed away last night. My dad told me this morning when I called to get his expertise on my cracked windshield.

I went into the acting manager's office (ours is away on vacation) and before I could ask for the time off to go to the funeral on Friday I started crying. My emotions took me by total surprise. I had no idea I was going to cry. I'm still kind of flabbergasted.

I think part of the reason I got so emotional is that when I called my parents earlier in the morning I go their voicemail which was odd cause it was too early for them to be out and they are normally up by then. And whenever something odd like that happens my mind starts to go into overdrive and think of worse case scenarios - one of my parents being rushed to the hospital. So when my dad did call me back and told me he had sad news my mind reacted to the news.

That whole paragraph doesn't even make sense to me. I'm trying to take my emotions and feelings and fit them into some kind of rationale. But it doesn't work that way.

I'm also trying to be chipper and upbeat at work which is kind of hard when you feel the opposite of that.

I was all ready to write about my extra long weekend and I did start a few times but it feels forced and I just can't do it right now.

Fortunately for me death rarely touches me personally. Very few people who were close to me have passed away. My grandfather (when I was about 10 or 11) and then my great aunt who lived with my family for a large part of my childhood (and she died when I was even younger so I didn't even attend her funeral). The only grown up funeral I've been too has been to my dad's cousin who everyone in the family called 'cousin Dody' . We've never been sure if she overdosed on pain pills or committed suicide.

I find it kind of ironic that I have only been to one funeral in my adult life while my father performs hundreds every year.

To thinků.I started off this day so upset over a cracked windshield.

5:01 p.m. - 2005-05-25

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