curious-me's Diaryland Diary


A whole lot of praying

This day is just getting too emotional for me. My new sil is still in the hospital and they still don't know what's wrong with her. It's been 4 days already. The longer she's in there the more worried I become. It's that dreaded limbo land again. I feel so bad for my brother. I can only imagine what he's going through. It's weird but I almost feel that the person I know best in my family is my younger brother. Maybe it's because of the last few years. We spent a lot of time together. I've seen him worried and stressed out and actually cry about things. And he has definitely seen me the same way. We are both alike in the fact that we are always cracking jokes. We make eachother laugh so much. I know their vows said for better or worse but worse wasn't supposed to happen within a week of their wedding! I'm praying for them. A lot.

My mom also told me that the doctor has ordered my dad to lose at least 30 pounds asap. Apparently he has 3 hernias and at least one definitely needs to be operated on but they won't do it until he loses the weight. He put my dad on the Southbeach diet and my mom is doing it with him. So far my dad has lost 10 pounds. Again I'll be praying for him.

Then there's my mom, who has an old friend from way back and her husband has just died of terminal cancer. God I really hate cancer. It's a tangible evil. More prayers.

I really don't have much else to say.

My co-workers are probably wondering what's up with me. This morning I was cracking jokes and being all sarcastic with everyone now I'm in my cube doing my own thing. When it comes to certain things I just can't seem to open up and share my fears and what's bothering me so I hide it with a smile and a joke although it's getting hard to keep up the act. I fear that someone will make a joke at my expense and I'll burst into tears. I'm on the edge. I'm a little over emotional.

I took off at lunch and walked to the park. I feel so melodramatic for crying but I couldn't help it. So I had myself a wee cry and then came back to work with none the wiser.

I started off tired this morning and now I'm even more so - crying does that to me.

4:08 p.m. - 2005-07-05


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