curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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Anxiety but not over 'the dress'

I'm kinda sad right now. My apartment, as of today, is no longer my safety zone. I can no longer lock my door against the world. Not only is my landlord doing the official walkthrough sometime today between 9am and 3pm but also the rental agency is taking someone through at 5pm. In a way I am feeling slightly violated. To know that all my stuff is going to be out there for public viewing. I lock the door to keep people out but now those people have a key and let themselves in. I've turned a corner and there's no going back.

I did try cleaning my apartment but I'm in the middle of packing right now so tidiness is not my main priority right now. Sorting through my crap and packing it up is. I find it weird that my landlord does the walkthrough on the same day it is being shown. But apparently according to the letter my landlord sent me it's in my 'best interests' to keep my apartment neat and tidy for potential renters. The only benefit I could see towards me would be less people invading my space. I can't believe I'm gonna have to put up with this shit until the end of September! I imagine the real fun times are gonna be the ones where I'm home while they do a walk through. Oh joy.

I woke up a wee bit tired and cranky today - or couldn't you tell? I also woke up from a deep dreaming sleep. Of course I was glad to wake up from this particular dream as it was one where people were chasing me and trying to get into my car to steal my stuff. Whoa! Brain wave! My anxieties about my apartment being shown were played out through that dream! Cool. I think.

So this past weekend I put another anxiety to rest. My wedding gown. Oh Lord when I tried that dress on and it fit…wow the relief was immediate. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. And not only did the dress fit but it looked great. I can't go into more detail cause a certain someone is nosy and reads this diary! But yah I am so glad that my leap of faith paid off. Apparently I was the first person ever to order a dress without trying it on. Go me! The owner of the shop said she tells people all the time about it. Nifty.

The only area they have to fix is the boob area - of course. The type of bras I wear are too wide (I need them that way to hold these boulders up). So I've been informed I should try and buy a boustiere (sp?). This weekend I will be going out on the hunt. This I'm very afraid of - both frustration wise and financially. Apparently they're not cheap. As long as I find a 'big woman's store' I should be okay - hopefully.

The rest of the plans are coming together. Two nights ago Keith and I went and chose a wedding cake. And all week we've been working on the invitations - him more than me - but that's a good thing. I'm in the process of searching for a flower girl dress. I broke down and asked my niece and nephew to be in the wedding. We were trying to have a simple wedding but things have a way of making them more complicated so I decided we should just go for it. Better than to have my niece 5 years from now ask me why her aunt didn't want her in her wedding?! No thank you.

Well it's quittin' time I'm outta here.

4:13 p.m. - 2005-08-11

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