curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Time to play catch up!

Where have I been? Well, where have you been? Oh right here. Um never mind. So yah I’ve been lax at updating. Oh I’ve started a few entries and had great intentions of posting them but it never happened. Meh.

I think I’m pms’ing (again? wow fancy that). I’m doing the emotional roller coaster this week and….hmmm hey wait….no can’t be pms I’m just….no no wait I checked the calendar it is pms…thank God I wasn’t sure how I was going to justify these mood swings of mine. And by mood swings I don’t mean ‘crazy’ by any means, just extreme happiness at being alive, and then sadness over some body/health issues that I should have dealt or at least be dealing with right now. Then I get hyper excited about “This” time getting it right. This time I will eat right, go the gym daily – you know the whole song and dance and then getting the wind knocked out of my sails when I realize that life gets in the way and commitments come up and chances to spend time with friends or family gets in the way and who would really choose the gym over fun anyway? And then I start berating myself for not being committed at all. And yah that’s me in a nutshell these days. I had a little breaking point yesterday when I went to give blood for the first time in over a year (due to my vacations they won’t accept my blood if I go to certain areas). I was pretty excited but wary cause I am always borderline for my iron. I passed my iron test with a little bit of worry but I was able to continue on. The nurse put a kibosh on my giving though cause my blood pressure was extremely high. She took it a few minutes later and it had come down a lot but still not enough for them to give the okay. I walked out feeling like the biggest failure.

I am not watching it all anymore. I almost feel like I am waiting for the ax to fall. So rather than try and prevent the ax from falling and getting put on meds etc I am living up the good life while I can. Rather than face it I am just going to wait for the consequences which is the stupidest thing I can do and yah I am not proud that I have been unconsciously been doing this. But now that I realize it I have no excuse. It’s time for me to step up to the plate and start caring about this body of mine. And trust me I get so tired of reading in other people’s journals how ‘this time’ will be different blah blah blah but really I think I would be more disappointed if someone wrote that they were giving up cause you just never know maybe this will be the time for someone. Maybe.

Mkay enough of that. Let’s see what else can I talk about? Hold on a sec….okay I’m back. I just went and checked my last entry which was 10 days ago – my bad.

I also just went to a partial entry I had been working on and I made some notes at the bottom of the page of things I guess I was going to discuss but reading them now made no sense which is kind of sad and bizarre since they are my thoughts! Need an example? One line at the bottom says: ‘backwards leftie – wrap and cutting”. Uh-huh. Yah not quite sure where I was going with that one!

Let’s see how about I just recap anything that I think is ‘worthy’ of being read. Yah I don’t know what I mean with that either. But I know when I read other people’s journals and there’s a lose end I get a little annoyed with being left hanging. So T’s mom did put her dog down. She buried him in the back of T’s yard. I called my doctor’s office for my results (over 20 minutes on freakin’ hold which is a first!) and the nurse was first all snotty that I would have to come in and discuss my results and then when I said, “oh Dr T said to call in, I guess I misunderstood,” she changed her tune, took a moment to look at the papers I guess and then told me everything looked fine. So that was good. Guess it was just something bad going through my system.

On the weekend I visited my parent’s for father’s day which I thought wasn’t going to happen. Keith’s schedule had him working Sat and Sun. I was considering going down on my own and then had an anxiety dream about father’s day the night before I found out Keith didn’t have to work the Sunday and we could go down together. But really what was up with the anxiety dream over father’s day?

We had a great time. Keith and I arrived around 7pm to an empty house on Saturday evening which we expected as my parents were at a family wedding (obviously I’m not close to the person who got married!). But we used the time wisely. We scanned photos from my parent’s photo albums. It’s for an anniversary gift I am making for my parents. I couldn’t believe our luck in having the house to ourselves to be able to scan the photos. I want this to be a surprise when my parents see it.

I had a crappy sleep in the double bed at my parents and have decided just to bring our queen-size air mattress regardless if we need it or not. Between Keith’s snoring, the humidity (my parents have central air but don’t use it – they have a nice breeze coming in on their side I have a feeling I’ve mentioned this before). So yah between those two things I was restless and hot and ended up sleeping beside Keith’s feet and then got up at 4am and slept on the couch for a little while until the birdies and their singing drove me back the bed and then finally got up at 7am when I heard my folks up and about.

My older brother and his fam held the father’s day bbq which was great. They have a huge pool which I took advantage of and played in the water with my niece and nephews for as long as I could before Keith dragged me out kicking and screaming so we could leave. Our drive home was filled with massive amounts of rain but surprisingly little traffic which worked out to be okay by me. We walked through the door at 9:15 and by 9:30 I was in bed half asleep. I slept a solid 9 hours – I haven’t slept like that in ages and I felt great!

Last night’s sleep was quite disappointing. Keith had worked 15 hours and by the time he went to bed he was killing a forest with all those zzzzz’s. I slept on the air mattress but kept waking up to look at the clock and when he got up for work at 4am I climbed back into our bed and was semi awake for a lot longer than I would have liked and when my phone alarm was about to go off (I set it early so I could get up and do some sort of exercising) I didn’t even hesitate when I turned it off and instead slept the extra half hour. Yah I’m not a morning person and I don’t think I ever will be. Apparently I cannot except this fact.

So if anyone read about Lance Arm-strong biking this past weekend in a small town in Canada and they thought to themselves I wonder if that’s where ‘curious-me’ lives they would be 100% correct. Cool eh? So I wasn’t around for it and didn’t even know about it till I heard it on the morning news on Monday I still think it’s pretty neat. Apparently Kate was with him as well. Her family owns a cottage a few hours from here but surprisingly they haven’t invited me up yet – huh?

1:59 p.m. - 2008-06-17


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