curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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Frustrated and Frazzled!

Why me? No really why me? Why must the simplest mundane things contain drama? Am I magnet? Do I attract conflict? Cause if I do then I am going to need some kind of repellent cause I am seriously losing sleep over this whole camping thing.

I sent out one question to two people last night. I figured I would get two very different answers Ė which I kind of did. I think Iím also taking a cowardly approach to the situation but I am at my wits end and not sure what to do.

I sent T and my sil an email asking for advice. I gave them the low down. Keith no longer has to work this weekend BUT he would have to be back for Sunday evening. T and I had planned on staying in K-town till Monday afternoon. What should I do? Cut our trip short and have Keith come or leave Keith home and go as planned? Honestly both plans make me feel like crap. T is looking really forward to a girlsí road trip and is super excited to go to K-town as sheís never been. Keith is being way worse by telling me not to worry about him and not to cut our weekend short. I think I would rather he demanded he goes as well cause then the decision would be out of my hands cause hello I wouldnít leave him behind if he really really wanted to go. And now? Now! T just emailed me to say if Keith really wanted to go she would back out. WTF???? It wasnít an either/or situation. It was based on coming back early or not. We would all fit in the car thatís not an issue. Gah! I hate this I really do. I am a people pleaser. I always have been and apparently I always will be.

Tís response last night was basically itís all up to me but she was really looking forward to our trip together and the extra time there.

My silís response was basically itís a tough call and both choices have consequences and itís really up to me (um yah tell me something I donít already know). Then she went on to suggest that I sit down with Keith and have it out with him. Make it Ďourí decision so he canít throw it back in my face that I left him behind. He doesnít do it maliciously but he will joke about it that I know.

This would be so much easier if my brother wasnít in the equation cause then it would be a girlsí thing and he canít complain about that. Or if we were only going to be like an hour away then Keith could come for part of it. But we are going to be 4 hours away Ė a little too far to drop in and out. F*ckety F*ck!

I seriously took a sleeping pill last night cause I knew this would keep me away worrying about pleasing everyone and trying to come up with a solution. As it was when I moved to our bedroom at 3am I had a hard time going back to sleep right away cause it popped into my head Ė thank God for drugs!

Needless to say I am neglecting packing or even making my lists cause it forces me to think about it.

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Okay I need to think about other things for a while! So do you think it means Iím too comfortable in my job environment when I can walk down the main hall carrying my dirty lunch dishes, dish soap, a scrubby and a towel? Iím starting to feel like I live here.

What does one do when one is stressed? Shop of course (oh and eat food thatís bad for her but more on that later). So after my lunch time shopping spree yesterday after work I went to the gym (yay gym!) only to half ass my work out by grabbing a free massage chair and riding it for several minutes before my workout and then leaving a bit early to hit the second hand store that was having 50% off everything in the store. I only had a few minutes but I did find a pair of black pants and a red sweater for less than $7. I didnít get to try on the pants though cause the change rooms there are always insane so I tried them on when I got home and they are a bit tighter than I would have liked but they fit. The sweater I tried on over my clothes in the store and it fit and looked goodÖtoo bad I wonít be wearing it for several months!

I went out at lunch again today but this time it was to buy bath mats (those suckers can be expensive) and I just wanted plain towel like mats. I did find them for only $4 each on sale so I bought 2 (the one I found on the weekend was $15 for one!). I almost tried on a couple of shirts while there but totally talked myself down. Of course then I went to the used book store and bought a couple of good books (ie not in the discount bin) for this weekend.

Its day two without any make up except lipstick first thing in the morning. No real reason that I stopped, I just havenít felt like putting it on and for a while there it seemed like I Ďhadí to wear it to feel good about myself.

I scrapped the plan to wear my red skirt tomorrow. Why? Well tomorrow is wear our national colors day BUT also casual day! So I will wear the red/white shirt I bought with my cute black shorts. Itís okay since the new shirt and red skirt I had didnít go together. I think I need a cute white t-shirt to wear with the shirt. One of the shirts I resisted today was a cute white t but I already knew it would be too small in the boobage area and would cling in all the wrong places. But I am now determined (as of right this minute actually) to finding a cute white top Ė maybe with those cap sleeves? Is that what theyíre called? Theyíre cute but you donít feel as naked as if you were wearing a tank top Ė especially at work! Too bad I didnít have longer hair Ė I could totally buy a small Canada Flag and put in my hair as well as slather my arms with tattoos (of Canada of course) and totally win the best outfit contestÖ.ah well I donít need to win them all!

Two more days left of the week! Tomorrow should hopefully go quickly as we start our day with a meeting (free cake!) then there will be some sort of to-do in the afternoon Ė free cookies and ice cream. Then Thursday I plan on coasting through since I will be freaking out about everything I still have to pack for the trip. Letís just hope that I wonít be as frazzled about this weekend and whatís going on!

4:25 p.m. - 2008-06-24

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