curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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Not all sunshine and roses

Iím really not sure whatís up with my lack of updating. For the most part my time at work is spoken for. We are forced to keep stats on pretty much every minute of the day needless to say I fudge A LOT. But still, writing an entry just doesnít seem right plus the lack of concentration not to mention for some reason people really seem to love sneaking up on me and coming right up behind me. You can only switch screens so many times before looking like youíre up to something! Nosy parkers.

But really I guess if I wanted to get an entry in I could but lately my emotions are ALL over the spectrum. I canít even blame them on aunt flo. I was going to write about my Easter and title my entry, ďEaster StorkĒ. Seriously there is so much baby-ness out there itís crazy! I just found out my second cousin is preggers, and also that her aunt is preggers. I am expecting my sil to be glowing the next time I see her (nothing confirmed just a hunch). Plus C is gearing up for the egg & sperm placement thing probably this coming weekend! And? And I donít know why this has put me in a funk frame of mind. Iím happy for these people. But....deep down, thereís a part of me that is jealous. Jealous that these people are having babies with no worries about finances or lack there of, or what theyíre going to do when it comes time for daycare and how theyíll afford it. I know people say you canít let finances sway your decision but I say bull. What kind of life would it be to always be worrying about money and fighting with your spouse about lack-of and having to worry about losing your home because money is that tight. Now, financially, would be the worst time to bring a baby into the world for us. Keithís route relief job is just too precarious. People are taking less time off, cancelling weeks, even shortening their weeks they do book so heís now not getting paid a full weeks pay. Weíre surviving but we have a LOT of money owing on credit cards and loans oh and did I mention the government? Yah they want their share....and more it seems. Weíre already stressed to the max about money. Our next step is to figure out what Keith can do job wise and hey not sure if you realize this but the economy? Not so great right now! Looking for a job - any job is damn tough. Not to mention my man is smart....I mean a brainiac but that doesnít mean heís Ďqualifiedí to get into a good paying job any time soon. Which would logically mean going back to school. Which would mean buh-bye house cause thereís no way we could swing this place on just my salary. Not if we you know wanted to eat and stuff. And even going back to school part time while still working really wouldn't work for us since that would take for-evah and we're getting oooold. Itís just....depressing. Itís depressing watching all these other people getting preggers and having babies and yah. Oh and just to tie all this up? Iím still not even 100% sure that I want a kid!!!!! GAH!

Wow - heavy. Can I really go on after that? Erm. Letís see.

Nope. I donít think I can go into cheerful right now or just on to other stuff. That will have to be another entry. I just wanted to get these thoughts out there - I guess Iím hoping that this will somehow be helpful.

Oh I guess I can mention that my face is completely Pissing me off. Itís not quite acne ridden but itís something that is not pleasant. Iím trying to work on it but itís slow going and who even knows if itís working! Of course reading all the above shows that I obviously have stress in my life which doesnít work well for the face but still Iím not a teenager anymore - give the acne a rest Ms Face!

10:27 p.m. - 2009-04-16

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