curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 999 + 1 = my 1000th Entry!!!! For some reason I HAD to make a big deal out of my 1000th entry. I�m not sure why. I started this diary in 2002. I stumbled onto a diary while �surfing� the net one day and it belonged to this site. Slowly I began to investigate this little site. I was taken aback when the diary I had been reading suddenly ended. The person just up and left me high and dry. She could have started up again, I don�t know, I didn�t wait around to find out, I deleted her book mark. Then I decided to start my own diary. Life was great when I wrote my first entry. My younger brother who I consider one of my best friends lived in town. I was dating his best friend at the time who was 7 years younger than myself and who had �chased� me for approximately one year until I finally agreed to date him. Plus he was cute....like a puppy. Then....he broke my heart. I won�t lie, it hurt like hell. It was my first real dumping, every other ending had been agreed upon by both parties. I went through a terrible time after I broke up with J. I doubted myself. I was miserable. I made really bad judgements and mistakes that I still regret. I internet dated. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn�t even own a computer. I visited a local site on my lunch and signed up for the freebie service and used the 3 days to contact the men who had shown �interest� in me. There was a lengthy list which was a nice ego boost. I spoke to many of these men over the phone, I emailed many and I met up with several. I found out very quickly that each meeting was different. Some just wanted sex (they didn�t get it), others treated our first meet up like an interview while others were just plain awkward. I had decided to stop internet dating and give it a rest for a while since I was tired and it was as bit too much (overwhelming). Except I still had one more person to meet. We had talked off and on for a month or so as we were both busy and couldn�t meet up, but finally we had a night free and decided to go out to dinner. That man was Keith. Everything with him was different. I felt an immediate attraction like I hadn�t with any of the other men. He was quiet and I was suddenly the talkative one, something I�ve never been in any relationship. We hung out for hours (several) on each date so we got to know each other very quickly. He said I love you first. I couldn�t say it. I had been burned too recently. We kissed for the first time on our 3rd or 4th �date�. I dropped him off at work (he worked midnight�s then) and we kissed in the parking lot. I got butterflies. One of my favourite stories of �us� was a night I dropped him off at work (again midnight). He got in the big truck and I got in my car. I drove off but got stopped by the traffic light. As the light turned green I hit the gas and as I was cresting a small hill I looked in my rear view mirror and saw his truck way behind me.....my stomach plummeted. I was hooked. There was no going back. I was in love. We have certainly had our ups and downs. We have rarely had �loud voices� fights. Normally we go the silent route until the other person comes and says sorry and we make up. Living in his one bedroom apartment was a trial that tested our sanity and our relationship. We talked about moving in together before marriage but my parents nearly had a melt down and I could not for the life of me disappoint them and let them down. It was the hardest thing I did telling Keith no. Eventually he proposed. That was a fiasco. He wrapped my ring with 3 cases of bottled water - HEAVY. He wanted me to take that particular x-mas present to my parents - I refused due to the heaviness and lack of room in the car. We left it behind. I opened it when we got back after x-mas and was shocked beyond belief. I cried and called my mom and dad. I�m still not sure if I regret not taking that package. How would I have handled it in front of everyone? But then again it may have been nice to be able to hug everyone who was there. It makes for a good story though that�s for sure. Before my sanity completely left I begged Keith to re-consider us buying a house. He wanted to wait a few years but after several months in the apartment I knew I couldn�t do it. By a fluke we ended up looking at a few houses and somehow signed with a realtor - suddenly it was becoming reality. A couple months later we found �the� house. We put in an offer, then a counter-offer and voila we had ourselves a house! We had put an offer on another house that got turned down and looking back I am SO happy that it did. We have been married for 4 years and in our house for 3. Both anniversaries are the same which is pretty cool. I�m rather forgetful in case you didn�t know. I have debated about what to do with this diary. I am very computer illiterate. I work on them every day but really know very little about them. I have a gold membership and really don�t use it, I just want to contribute to this site to keep it running. I read a handful of diaries and I feel like I know these people. I used to wish I could meet someone from d-land like others had but that doesn�t seem to be in the cards for me. It doesn�t help that most people seem to be from the States and I�m Canadian eh! When I find a diary that really interests me I have to go back to their very beginning and read. It�s like a book that I can�t wait to �finish� and yet don�t want to �end� cause I love devouring pages at a time and once I�m all caught up I have to wait on the whim of the writer to post an entry. I have thought of locking up. I have tried not to use real names cause when I am upset I say what�s on my mind and it can be kind of hurtful if the person were to read it. I don�t want to censor my feelings. It�s been a constant struggle. I have no idea how many people actually read me. I know of a few. Do I do this for an audience? No. But I would lie if I didn�t say that it pleases me that others read me. A lot of times I�m sure what I write is more boring than watching paint dry. I tend to use this diary as a backup if you will. I have a poor memory so when I try to remember a certain event sometimes I can go through my archives and hopefully find the answer. I especially love it when Mr Memory (aka Keith) is wrong and I am right. I am thinking of locking up my previous entries and starting fresh (and really I�m not sure if I can even do that - hello illiterate!). What I do know is that I do not want to stop writing. I don�t update as often as I want to. Sometimes it�s time constraints others it�s because I have nothing worthwhile to write about. I enjoy writing. I enjoy telling stories. I doubt writing will ever be anything more than a hobby. I have completed two Nanowrimos but I doubt those novels will ever see the light of day maybe not even for editing. So where does this leave me? Right where I am now I guess. I�m not going to make any declarations about �leaving� d-land or locking up. That�s not me. I hope that nobody finds this that I know and is hurt by my ramblings. I may lock my archives up. I may try and be a nicer person when writing my entries. I may exercise every day for the rest of my life. Saying I �may do� something doesn�t mean it will happen....get my drift? If you�re still reading this very lengthy entry please feel free to say �hi�....or not, I don�t like to pressure people. I just sometimes get �curious� as to who�s out there reading �curious-me�. Well 1000 down.....here�s to the next 1000!!!! Sincerely, *For those who know my name - have you figured out what the Me is short for (clever aren�t I - kidding)! 9:04 p.m. - 2010-01-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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