curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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999 + 1 = my 1000th Entry!!!!

For some reason I HAD to make a big deal out of my 1000th entry. Iím not sure why. I started this diary in 2002. I stumbled onto a diary while Ďsurfingí the net one day and it belonged to this site. Slowly I began to investigate this little site. I was taken aback when the diary I had been reading suddenly ended. The person just up and left me high and dry. She could have started up again, I donít know, I didnít wait around to find out, I deleted her book mark. Then I decided to start my own diary.

Life was great when I wrote my first entry. My younger brother who I consider one of my best friends lived in town. I was dating his best friend at the time who was 7 years younger than myself and who had Ďchasedí me for approximately one year until I finally agreed to date him. Plus he was cute....like a puppy.

Then....he broke my heart. I wonít lie, it hurt like hell. It was my first real dumping, every other ending had been agreed upon by both parties. I went through a terrible time after I broke up with J. I doubted myself. I was miserable. I made really bad judgements and mistakes that I still regret. I internet dated. I had no idea what I was doing. I didnít even own a computer. I visited a local site on my lunch and signed up for the freebie service and used the 3 days to contact the men who had shown Ďinterestí in me. There was a lengthy list which was a nice ego boost. I spoke to many of these men over the phone, I emailed many and I met up with several. I found out very quickly that each meeting was different. Some just wanted sex (they didnít get it), others treated our first meet up like an interview while others were just plain awkward. I had decided to stop internet dating and give it a rest for a while since I was tired and it was as bit too much (overwhelming). Except I still had one more person to meet. We had talked off and on for a month or so as we were both busy and couldnít meet up, but finally we had a night free and decided to go out to dinner.

That man was Keith. Everything with him was different. I felt an immediate attraction like I hadnít with any of the other men. He was quiet and I was suddenly the talkative one, something Iíve never been in any relationship. We hung out for hours (several) on each date so we got to know each other very quickly. He said I love you first. I couldnít say it. I had been burned too recently. We kissed for the first time on our 3rd or 4th Ďdateí. I dropped him off at work (he worked midnightís then) and we kissed in the parking lot. I got butterflies. One of my favourite stories of Ďusí was a night I dropped him off at work (again midnight). He got in the big truck and I got in my car. I drove off but got stopped by the traffic light. As the light turned green I hit the gas and as I was cresting a small hill I looked in my rear view mirror and saw his truck way behind me.....my stomach plummeted. I was hooked. There was no going back. I was in love.

We have certainly had our ups and downs. We have rarely had Ďloud voicesí fights. Normally we go the silent route until the other person comes and says sorry and we make up. Living in his one bedroom apartment was a trial that tested our sanity and our relationship. We talked about moving in together before marriage but my parents nearly had a melt down and I could not for the life of me disappoint them and let them down. It was the hardest thing I did telling Keith no. Eventually he proposed. That was a fiasco. He wrapped my ring with 3 cases of bottled water - HEAVY. He wanted me to take that particular x-mas present to my parents - I refused due to the heaviness and lack of room in the car. We left it behind. I opened it when we got back after x-mas and was shocked beyond belief. I cried and called my mom and dad. Iím still not sure if I regret not taking that package. How would I have handled it in front of everyone? But then again it may have been nice to be able to hug everyone who was there. It makes for a good story though thatís for sure.

Before my sanity completely left I begged Keith to re-consider us buying a house. He wanted to wait a few years but after several months in the apartment I knew I couldnít do it. By a fluke we ended up looking at a few houses and somehow signed with a realtor - suddenly it was becoming reality. A couple months later we found Ďtheí house. We put in an offer, then a counter-offer and voila we had ourselves a house! We had put an offer on another house that got turned down and looking back I am SO happy that it did.

We have been married for 4 years and in our house for 3. Both anniversaries are the same which is pretty cool. Iím rather forgetful in case you didnít know.

I have debated about what to do with this diary. I am very computer illiterate. I work on them every day but really know very little about them. I have a gold membership and really donít use it, I just want to contribute to this site to keep it running. I read a handful of diaries and I feel like I know these people. I used to wish I could meet someone from d-land like others had but that doesnít seem to be in the cards for me. It doesnít help that most people seem to be from the States and Iím Canadian eh! When I find a diary that really interests me I have to go back to their very beginning and read. Itís like a book that I canít wait to Ďfinishí and yet donít want to Ďendí cause I love devouring pages at a time and once Iím all caught up I have to wait on the whim of the writer to post an entry.

I have thought of locking up. I have tried not to use real names cause when I am upset I say whatís on my mind and it can be kind of hurtful if the person were to read it. I donít want to censor my feelings. Itís been a constant struggle. I have no idea how many people actually read me. I know of a few. Do I do this for an audience? No. But I would lie if I didnít say that it pleases me that others read me. A lot of times Iím sure what I write is more boring than watching paint dry. I tend to use this diary as a backup if you will. I have a poor memory so when I try to remember a certain event sometimes I can go through my archives and hopefully find the answer. I especially love it when Mr Memory (aka Keith) is wrong and I am right.

I am thinking of locking up my previous entries and starting fresh (and really Iím not sure if I can even do that - hello illiterate!). What I do know is that I do not want to stop writing. I donít update as often as I want to. Sometimes itís time constraints others itís because I have nothing worthwhile to write about. I enjoy writing. I enjoy telling stories. I doubt writing will ever be anything more than a hobby. I have completed two Nanowrimos but I doubt those novels will ever see the light of day maybe not even for editing.

So where does this leave me? Right where I am now I guess. Iím not going to make any declarations about Ďleavingí d-land or locking up. Thatís not me. I hope that nobody finds this that I know and is hurt by my ramblings. I may lock my archives up. I may try and be a nicer person when writing my entries. I may exercise every day for the rest of my life. Saying I Ďmay doí something doesnít mean it will happen....get my drift?

If youíre still reading this very lengthy entry please feel free to say Ďhií....or not, I donít like to pressure people. I just sometimes get Ďcuriousí as to whoís out there reading ďcurious-meĒ.

Well 1000 down.....hereís to the next 1000!!!!

Sincerely,
Curious-Me

*For those who know my name - have you figured out what the Me is short for (clever arenĎt I - kidding)!

9:04 p.m. - 2010-01-20

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