curious-me's Diaryland Diary


to thine own self be true....

I just finished lying through text to my best friend. I told her that I was too sick to swim. I am getting a cold but it's the fact that I can't stop crying is the real reason I cancelled it. I can't put on a brave face right now. I thought I could but my unstoppable tears tell me otherwise.

We got a notice in the mail to pick up a registered letter, with a sinking feeling I went and picked it up after work. Keith told me to wait til Saturday and we'd both get it. I'm not one to put off things like this so I couldn't wait - I kind of wish I did.

We both hadn't ordered anything and really nothing good ever comes in registered mail. It was bad news about an outstanding debt that involves our house. Basically we are in arrears of paying our property taxes. We knew this. We recently started dealing with it. Too little too late?

I am mostly crying because I am so fucking mad at myself. When we got one of the first notices in regular mail I wrote a letter to the city explaining our circumstances and explaining what we were now doing to pay off our debt but Keith fucking told me not to send it. He talked me out of it and I am just so so pissed at myself that I gave in. I knew deep down I should send it, I knew we had to acknowledge them but I fucking caved and I am so mad at myself that I honestly can't stop crying.

I am venting in here because I am just so angry I need to get this down so the next time, the next time my gut tells me to do something but I am swayed not to then I can go back to this entry and show are right. YOU ARE RIGHT. Don't stop listening to yourself. Trust your intuition!!!

As it is I have a feeling I am gonna be up - or get up at 1am when Keith gets home. We need to discuss this. Till then I'm going to comb through our recent financial decisions and see what can be done to help us pay off the city faster so we don't lose our house like they are threatening.

I am so discouraged right now. I'm sure these tears will dry up soon. Soon.

5:32 p.m. - 2013-01-30


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