curious-me's Diaryland Diary


A Thursday post on a Friday (typical)

Okay so I wrote this Thursday but didn't get a chance to post it:

Once you get past Wednesday Ė hump day Ė you start to feel that you will Survive. You WILL survive this week. As blah as it all began in the beginning you start to see light at the end of the tunnel. Especially if that tunnel is leading you towards a vacationÖ.a weekís vacation. Iím not in the Ďwooí mood yet but Iím predicting tomorrow I shall be all over that damn Woo.

Oddly I started the beginning of the week off pretty mellow then I tail spun out of control Monday night after Keith spoke with his mom. Iím not proud of my reaction. And I will never talk about it outside of this diary but we were informed that Keithís sister is pregnant (3rd kid). His other sister (they are twins) just gave birth to her 2nd. And I donít know I just went into this funk. I control my destiny I get that. But thereís part of me that wants to throw a tantrum Ė throw myself on the floor and yell about how itís not fair that I found the love of my life later in life and then the first few years we didnít want kids cause we just wanted to enjoy each other. Now we are up to our eyeballs in debt. We are dealing with it but itís going to be years before we are in the clear. Years that the body will just shake itís head sadly when I am *finally* ready to have a baby. Then I start to think do I want a kid? Will I regret later down the line Ė 10Ö20 years not having one? I read and look at pictures and see the joy of people I know with kids. Itís a lot to think about. But hearing so soonÖ.a week after a new baby was brought into the family that the other sister is pregnant again just made me want to scream into the universe until I was hoarse. I didnít. I just internalized it like I normally do and was quiet and sad for a few days.

But I am shaking off the sadness. I am putting this to the back burner and going to concentrate on the here and now. Keith has interviews and can probably get a job tomorrow (temp agency) if he was so inclined Ė we both donít want that. More money will start to come in. More money will be paid to our debt. Maybe I can get back on the damn exercise regime I had going for so many months and start to work on my health again. I have slid backwards many steps. Itís not even the weight I really care about (though hello that would be awesome) itís my health and trying to get off meds. I donít realistically know if I will ever be off meds but it sure would be nice to reduce the amount.

BUT for now I am concentrating on the immediate future. My Vacation! My Awesome plans with S this weekend. We are driving about 3 hours east of here I believe. Going to a place called Point Pelee. Neither of us have ever been and donít really know what to expect. We are staying at a hotel and doing PP as a day trip. The weather looked dismal yesterday for the upcoming weekend but todayís forecast is showing a hot and beautiful weekend. Fingers crossed the rain stays away!

To also buoy my spirits I went out for dinner with my ex belly dance crew. The instructor and 2 of the girls I have remained friends with. We are getting more comfortable with each other and each time we have dinner itís awesome to see the friendship grow. Although our instructor may be uninvited soon as she is getting a little too frequent with her ďsnarky but funnyĒ jokes and I think the other 2 arenít too happy with her. I think she just is used to being the centre of attention and since we all babble on about stuff sheís not the star of the show and that doesnít sit well with her. Just a guess. Itís weird, for the first time I was aware of not having a College education. They all were talking about their degrees and then they asked me where I went. Um nowhere. They didnít care but it was really the first time I was really ever aware of it. Just an observation.

Okay it's Friiiiiday! I am officially on vacation. Had bad news about the brown car not passing the E test and our insurance rates are too high so we need to deal with that. But hey besides that I plan on enjoying my time off. Oh and we need to desperately do some yard work before my b-day party next weekend. Did I mention that? I'm throwing myself a b-day party on the 7th! A'ight that's enough for now! Long weekend fun here I come!!!

9:09 p.m. - 2013-08-30


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