curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Thursday post on a Friday (typical) Okay so I wrote this Thursday but didn't get a chance to post it:
Once you get past Wednesday � hump day � you start to feel that you will Survive. You WILL survive this week. As blah as it all began in the beginning you start to see light at the end of the tunnel. Especially if that tunnel is leading you towards a vacation�.a week�s vacation. I�m not in the �woo� mood yet but I�m predicting tomorrow I shall be all over that damn Woo. Oddly I started the beginning of the week off pretty mellow then I tail spun out of control Monday night after Keith spoke with his mom. I�m not proud of my reaction. And I will never talk about it outside of this diary but we were informed that Keith�s sister is pregnant (3rd kid). His other sister (they are twins) just gave birth to her 2nd. And I don�t know I just went into this funk. I control my destiny I get that. But there�s part of me that wants to throw a tantrum � throw myself on the floor and yell about how it�s not fair that I found the love of my life later in life and then the first few years we didn�t want kids cause we just wanted to enjoy each other. Now we are up to our eyeballs in debt. We are dealing with it but it�s going to be years before we are in the clear. Years that the body will just shake it�s head sadly when I am *finally* ready to have a baby. Then I start to think do I want a kid? Will I regret later down the line � 10�20 years not having one? I read and look at pictures and see the joy of people I know with kids. It�s a lot to think about. But hearing so soon�.a week after a new baby was brought into the family that the other sister is pregnant again just made me want to scream into the universe until I was hoarse. I didn�t. I just internalized it like I normally do and was quiet and sad for a few days. But I am shaking off the sadness. I am putting this to the back burner and going to concentrate on the here and now. Keith has interviews and can probably get a job tomorrow (temp agency) if he was so inclined � we both don�t want that. More money will start to come in. More money will be paid to our debt. Maybe I can get back on the damn exercise regime I had going for so many months and start to work on my health again. I have slid backwards many steps. It�s not even the weight I really care about (though hello that would be awesome) it�s my health and trying to get off meds. I don�t realistically know if I will ever be off meds but it sure would be nice to reduce the amount. BUT for now I am concentrating on the immediate future. My Vacation! My Awesome plans with S this weekend. We are driving about 3 hours east of here I believe. Going to a place called Point Pelee. Neither of us have ever been and don�t really know what to expect. We are staying at a hotel and doing PP as a day trip. The weather looked dismal yesterday for the upcoming weekend but today�s forecast is showing a hot and beautiful weekend. Fingers crossed the rain stays away! To also buoy my spirits I went out for dinner with my ex belly dance crew. The instructor and 2 of the girls I have remained friends with. We are getting more comfortable with each other and each time we have dinner it�s awesome to see the friendship grow. Although our instructor may be uninvited soon as she is getting a little too frequent with her �snarky but funny� jokes and I think the other 2 aren�t too happy with her. I think she just is used to being the centre of attention and since we all babble on about stuff she�s not the star of the show and that doesn�t sit well with her. Just a guess. It�s weird, for the first time I was aware of not having a College education. They all were talking about their degrees and then they asked me where I went. Um nowhere. They didn�t care but it was really the first time I was really ever aware of it. Just an observation. Okay it's Friiiiiday! I am officially on vacation. Had bad news about the brown car not passing the E test and our insurance rates are too high so we need to deal with that. But hey besides that I plan on enjoying my time off. Oh and we need to desperately do some yard work before my b-day party next weekend. Did I mention that? I'm throwing myself a b-day party on the 7th! A'ight that's enough for now! Long weekend fun here I come!!! 9:09 p.m. - 2013-08-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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