curious-me's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's BOGO - 2 entries for the price of 1! Friday, August 1st: I�m feeling scattered. We are going away for the weekend and I haven�t prepared at all. Of course up til yesterday I didn�t know if we were going away and truly I am still not 100% sure. Here�s why! Keith has decided to take the Bread job with his old boss. They hammered out the details and Keith is guaranteed a full time job regardless if the route his boss is buying comes through. Which means Keith is giving his notice today. I almost feel ill about him giving his notice! Not because I don�t want him to take this new job or leave the job he�s at � I just am not very good with disappointing people. Yah I�m effed up that way. I sometimes put other people ahead of myself. Of course this isn�t even me we�re talking about! Of course I�m probably also worried about �change� and how it will affect us. I find the older I get the more I enjoy routine! So Keith was told previously he was off on Saturday but now with him giving his notice we�re not sure if the boss is gonna be vindictive and tell him he has to work. I can barely wait to talk to Keith when he gets home tonight. Whenever that may be. All week it�s been after 5:30. But since I have decided to go shopping after work at least I won�t be at home twiddling my thumbs waiting for him. Oh who am I kidding I wouldn�t be twiddling my thumbs I would either be packing for the weekend or more likely reading the book I got from the library that I can�t put down! I love reading those types of books. Speaking of books, last night I saw a trailer for a book I read a few months ago � If I Stay � I think that�s the name of it. It was an okay book, not that captivating so probably won't see the movie until it comes out on dvd. Monday, August 5th It�s raining. My office has the air-con cranked (no complaining there) and I am listening to the radio which is now playing �Hungry Eyes� which makes me want to go home asap and watch the movie Dirty Dancing. That is not going to happen I know but it neatly brings me to what I originally wanted to discuss: Discipline. See, I�ve been doing a lot of thinking of changes that I want to do � big and small � for myself � for our house. So it�s been established I have the motivation. I WANT change. I want to do things. So it�s not motivation I am lacking. It came to me this morning as I was lying in bed dreading getting up because I was so tired and I hadn�t prepared anything for work this morning � no clothes to wear, no breakfast or lunch made. I didn�t even get the garbage ready which I normally do Monday night�s. Now this wasn�t a typical Monday night since it was a holiday and we had been away all weekend (more on that later). But regardless I was lying there in bed thinking how totally unprepared I was and how much I had to do, not only this morning but also this week because I want to get our bedroom ready for painting and that�s when it came to me � I lack discipline. I do. I do what I want, when I want. Okay fine I�m not all loosy goosy like the guy in Office Space who just stops showing up to work but when I get home from work I am pretty much responsible free. Sometimes I still get giddy when I decide to read the afternoon away and then get even more giddy when I have a treat like chips or m&m�s while I waste my afternoon. Giddy. How old am I again? Yah. You would think I had a strict upbringing by how I act sometimes but I didn�t. My parents were pretty easy going about most stuff. But I digress! Discipline! Where is my discipline? How do I get this discipline?! I get home from work with a list of things to do either in my head or literally written down on paper and still I will discard that list and throw myself down on the bed and switch on the tv or pick up a book and begin to read. I am tired. I am hungry. I am overwhelmed with everything I have to do. The list of excuses go on and on. My husband also comes home from work and flops on the couch but I grant him more lenience as he has worked for 10 hours or more at a very physical job and comes home physically exhausted. I, who have been sitting on my butt for 8 hours and staring at a computer, am also tired. Mentally? I mean my job requires concentration but it is by no means taxing. I am not under any real deadlines. There is no quota I have to reach. There is an expectation of what I should do and I normally meet those expectations every day at work unless there is stuff going on. What I am saying is that I work hard but by no means overtax my brain on a day to day basis. I get stressed out the odd time over situations I have never encountered or when new processes are implemented at work and I flounder until I can get a grasp on it. Now the question is � how do I fix this? How do I become more disciplined? Or can I even? Is it as simple as now that I know this is a problem of mine and I am aware of it that I can begin to work on being disciplined? I am not a regimented person but I do work well with routine. Is it the case of beginning a new routine? Not becoming sloth like as soon as I walk through my door but being active and taking care of stuff? Alright I�m sure you are sick to death of this topic as am I. But I am not letting this go. I can�t. Discipline. 9:01 p.m. - 2014-08-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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