curious-me's Diaryland Diary


My body & me

Monday - April 13th

So begins the pain. Okay maybe pain is a bit of an overstatement. I do tend to lean towards the dramatic sometimes. I have decided to start exercising again. Slowly. By slowly I mean ease back into it. Not go gung-ho and oh I don’t know get plantar fasciitis like I did in January! I look back and realize that I was so gung ho to walk that I sometimes doubled my time and even when my foot was a little sore I pushed myself too hard. Not smart at all. This time I am going to be smarter about it. Why now? Well besides the beautiful weather that entices me to get out I’ve been invited to 2 weddings in June and July and I want to attend feeling good about myself. I may not lose weight but if I exercise and eat a little better I know it will 100% make a difference in how I feel about myself.

It’s funny – after 40 years on this earth I have spent half of them not liking my body. Not all the time. But I went through so much frustration with my looks. It’s funny I am at my heaviest (well around it anyway) and I am at my most accepting of my body. In my 20’s I was a basketcase. It did not help I had a boyfriend who ‘encouraged’ me to lose weight who obviously did not love ‘me for me’. He was my first serious boyfriend and I shed so many tears because I did not live up to his beauty standards. Looking back I wish I had just ditched the asshole. I had several other guys who would have dated me in a heartbeat if I had only opened my eyes and realized my self worth. Live and learn.

I mention this because my self confidence has been on the downslide lately. I hear myself saying things to Keith about my weight and my looks that make me cringe. I hate showing him how insecure I can be. I mean he knows I’m not happy when I can’t exercise but for him he just stops eating junk food for a month and eats carrot and celery and loses 10 pounds. Oh and works a physical job for 10+ hours a day. At that point I kind of want to smack him cause he knows our work lives are so different. I don’t have the luxury of leaving my desk for the majority of the 8 hours I am at work. I am tied to it by a phone and computer work. Excuses? To a degree but at the same time they are valid. For a while there I was feeling ok with myself and I want that feeling back. So I decided to hell with this sore foot I can still exercise to some degree and I will start now. Not tomorrow – not Monday. So I started Friday. I aim to do Yoga every day cause it feels so good even though my right foot twinges with some of the moves – the stretching has to be good for it right? I also started walking – slowly. And that is hard. I wear my orthotics but even then my foot still complains a little. And even if it’s not complaining I want to walk faster and get my heart rate up. But I have to force myself to take it slow. I have to think longterm.

I also vowed to be more active at work. I have a shoulders/neck yoga video that is only a few minutes long that I want to do at work. Also I have a sit/stand desk that I want to utilize at least once a day. It was easier before my foot became sore as I would stand on one foot or stretch while I stood but I will get there again. Patience.

And now if everything goes according to plan I will have my very own elliptical machine at home tonight after work. Keith is supposed to be picking it up after he gets off work using his work truck. We saw it at a thrift store and I gave it a test drive and it seems to work okay. Hopefully there’s not something horribly wrong with it and we just threw away our cash. I am trying to tamper down my excitement about it til it’s home and set up so I know it works.

Wednesday April 15th:

The elliptical is home! It works. I sweat a lot.

9:15 p.m. - 2015-04-15


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries:

In 19 Seconds