curious-me's Diaryland Diary


2 entries in one week!

I jumped on my tablet last night to write an entry but first had to call my parents for our weekly chat. After the call I began to watch videos of car karoake and there went my night!

Today was my Friday. I met my new boss in person today. We had an hour one-on-one meeting. It went pretty good. She was easy to talk to and I had a lot to say. It's interesting to see the evolution of myself over the years. I was super shy when I began working at this place. I was quiet. I kept to myself. Over the years I've opened up but not to a lot of people. I am friendly to everyone but only friends with a few. I crack jokes all the time - even to people in the elevator that I don't know: the other night as we were all leaving the guy in front of me pressed the open door button as he saw someone coming towards the door. After the person got in I tapped him on the shoulder and told him 'we don't hold doors for people....especially at 4:30'. I was joking and everyone laughed thankfully even the person who had just got on!

I never made waves in the beginning but then I had a falling out with my first boss and for reasons I was never privy to she was walked out. Every boss after that, 4 I believe, I have had to take a more active role and advocate for myself a lot more. I'm still not used to doing that and I'm uncomfortable while doing so but it's my career and my happiness on the line so I push myself to do it.

Speaking of pushing myself. It's been about 2 months since I began my new meds. Like most people x-mas derailed me. I had lost about 8 pounds and then pretty much gained them all back with the cookies and treats and non stop eating over the holidays. I'm happy to say I have now lost those 8 pounds (again) and hope to be back on track now. But here's the issue: I am at my sabotage weight. For some reason every time I get to the weight I am now I freeze. It's super hard to explain. But over the years I have not got past this weight I am now. Something happens - I get a cold, I sprain my ankle, a holiday pops up, we go on vacation and I get derailed for a few months and start back at square one. I'm not dumb enough to think that this is all coincidence there is something holding me back. Like tonight for instance, I went to the gym - great - but I was feeling 'in the zone' so I started going faster on the treadmill than I have been. You would think that would be a good thing but I've been keeping it consistent because I know if I push myself too hard and too fast my plantar fasciitis will flare up and guess what no more gym for a month or more! I know this and yet I started pushing myself! I'm not sure why I do it. Sometimes I think I'm afraid of success. Not sure why and I'm not sure I want to go down that rabbit hole!

I guess acknowledging it is a huge step and as long as I keep moving forward hopefully the scale will continue to go down. That's the plan.

Tomorrow I will start the day off with going to the gym then on to a haircut. My hair has been horrible the last few weeks and the day I made the haircut appointment I've been getting non-stop compliments about how great it looks! Ugh! I want more layers so we'll see if the newby hairdressers can make it happen - evenly - unlike my last hair cut.

Tomorrow evening we're having dinner at a super expensive steak house. My work staff association is throwing it. We did it last year and had a good turn out. The food is amazing. I should be able to handle it. I may suffer a little (no grease or fat with the meds I'm on). I made a huge mistake one weekend a few weeks ago when I was craving KD. BAD mistake BAD. I suffered all afternoon over that horrible decision. I guess this is why Keith does all the cooking!

Alright time to hit the hay. I don't want to stay up late like I usually do and screw myself over (buh bye gym).

Okay one more thing. I never found my lost library card or fitbit charger. I paid $3 for a new card and ordered a charger online PLUS a new fitness tracker. I hate the new tracker. I'm not sure if I can return it. It was an online deal. But shhh don't tell my hubby cause he'll just say - I told you so and no woman needs to hear that! Ciao!

9:48 p.m. - 2018-01-25


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