curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Not all that calm after all

Tomorrow I get the results from the bump on my face. The calm cool me is long gone. I should be sleeping as I barely slept 6 hours last night - but I can't. I'm tired enough but my brain won't shut off. I went to work today but left just after lunch. It was legit though as my stomach decided it wasn't happy. Lack of sleep and worry are to blame I know this. I also know there is no point in worrying but that doesn't stop me.

This afternoon I put my nervous energy to good use and finally got around to switching over my clothes - not an easy task as I have way too many. I did fill 6 grocery bags to donate so that was something. I can finally look around my room and not cringe. Now I have to go through my shoes and bags maybe tomorrow afternoon - after the appointment.

I am now so glad I asked Keith to go with me. I knew I was too calm when I found out the news. Like most things - good or bad - it takes me time to process the info before I can deal with it or come up with a plan. I just really want to sleep tonight.

The other night I dreamt I was dying (worry much?) - it was imminent but I was up walking around and talking to people - just super sad that I would be leaving them. I woke up and as I thought about the dream I burst into tears. Not because I was dying but because in the dream my mom and I were together and she gently took my chin in her hand and said something - comforting but the words were not what I remembered - all I could picture was my mom's brown eyes shining with unconditional love for me and it was the purest look of love as she stared into my eyes I have ever seen. Even recounting the dream to Keith almost 12 hours later I got choked up just remembering that look we shared.

The other big thing going on right now is Keith went to his eye appointment and our eye doctor told him he had to go see our family doctor because she suspects he has diabetes. We were both pretty shocked. But in looking up the symptoms they scream his name - frequent urination, thirst, fatigue to name a few. I don't want to wish this on him but I would like to get behind why he is always so exhausted. He blames his hours but we know people who work the same hours and have double the amount of energy he does and they are older. He has an appt at the end of May.

Alright my mind is drifting. I am going to try and get some sleep. At least I don't work tomorrow. I hope to make it to the gym and a few errands before my appt tomorrow. I was hoping to finally get our pics done for new passports but in filling out the application earlier I realized we both need our birth certificates but they are in a fireproof box somewhere in our house!

Alright off to visit the lad of nod - send me some good vibes for tomorrow!

11:54 p.m. - 2018-05-10


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