curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Warning: a grumpy tired person wrote this entry

Oh it's been a grumptacular kind of weekend at our la casa this weekend. More on THAT in a bit.

First off I did indeed get my haircut and I actually like it. I went to the haircut school and got my wash, cut and style for $22. Also the hairstylist, Tom, I think his name was gave an amazing scalp massage while washing my hair. Although he did have to bow out 10 minutes from the end to be at his paying job. I kind of blame myself as after he cut my hair and lowered the chair to start drying it I then discussed the length and he ended up taking off more - probably about 3 inches when all was said and done.

I then met up with T and we grabbed some pitas for dinner and then a quick stop at the thrift store - I bought a blue coat for some strange reason - then it was on to swimming. We did the aqua class as it was an instructor we liked. I managed to pull my neck a bit by trying not to get my hair wet (dumb). I was sore a bit the next day.

Friday I took myself out for breakfast and then came home and tried to finish putting x-mas away. Keith had actually taken down the small tree we had up as well as put away the 3 light up statues. Surprised me. Around 11 Keith got home from work and we chatted while I putted away. A while later we got a call telling us that our house renovations would be getting started this Tuesday. We were also asked if the installers had been in touch with us. They hadn't. Ever.

After the call we sort of looked at each other in panic. We are so NOT ready for this. We are having all the windows replaced on the main floor. Which means every room has to have furniture and clutter moved away from all windows. We went out to grab a few more totes. We got back just before dinner (which later we found out was the exact moment a fatality at the plaza we frequent a lot had happened - apparently a man somehow lost control of his car and flipped it and died - in a plaza!).

Saturday Keith got home from work quite early - around 10am and we spent the next several hours taking down x-mas outside - the lights and inflatables - and moving boxes from upstairs to the basement (if you remember we are still renovating so a lot of the boxes are from downstairs). It's one huge freaking headachey mess. We called it a day and I headed out to get us pizza for dinner. We watched a movie that evening then I decided to dye my hair with a formula that doesn't actually like to cover grey hairs (perfect!).

Today I awoke from very little sleep (s'up aunt flo) and then the day just went downhill from there. Keith's tired and cranky. I'm tired and cranky. And 2 negatives do not make a positive. He tried to make me breakfast - first he had to clean the kitchen - then when he went to make bacon we both smelled it and it was off (still had 2 weeks on the best before date). He eventually made me some sort of pancakes with almond flour and homemade syrup. It wasn't bad (but it sure wasn't the best I've ever had). We then went out to run errands and put air in the jeep tires again (we're learning it's super sensitive to cold). Then we got even grumpier if that was possible. We even had that stupid spat that we haven't had in a long time about what to have for dinner while shopping in Wmart. We also 'discussed' how I cannot and will not eat like him. I don't enjoy it. I won't sustain it. He seems to think this 'carb' thing that I so enjoy will just go away. I'm too tired to rehash it or even just talk it out which is what I like to do in this here space. I'm right he's wrong - end of story.

I think we are both just anxious, excited and pissed off about our house renovations. This company has had little to no contact with us since we signed our life away with them. And Lord knows I love my husband but he is horrible at communicating (it's not just with me). So I asked him to send me the number so I can call this place tomorrow. I am going to have to take time off work Tuesday to be here until Keith can make it home from work. He moved a few deliveries from Tuesday to tomorrow to help. But this lack of communication is not working for me. I also need to call a bunch of scrap yards to come pick up our dead car. I emailed a few last week and none have got back to me. I wish I remembered which ones because I do NOT want to give them my business. Don't tell people to email for a quote and then ignore them assholes. (see cranky?)

My head is pounding and I plan on going to bed super damn early tonight. I just finished making my chicken breasts for my salads this week. Once they cool off enough to put away I am shutting down the house. I can't go having limp tired (new) hair tomorrow!


So I've been sitting here not hitting post as thoughts keep running thru my head on why I am so angry with my husband over this lifestyle change in our diet. I wish there was an easy answer. I was the one who asked him for his help before x-mas. I told him I needed to change. I had to change if I wanted to be able to donate a kidney. But here I am fighting it - him - every step of the way. I haven't even gone back to the gym. There is something that is resisting - fighting - every good intention I have. Is the something me? Am I fighting against myself? Am I the one standing in my own way? The only answer here is Yes. I just don't know why. Which is sort of a lie. I have always had one truth running thru my head for as long as I can remember: If you don't try you can't fail.

What if I try so hard to get in shape and give my dad a kidney but I am still rejected? But the alternative is what if I don't try - at all - and then get rejected and can't give him a kidney? Am I going to feel worse? I can tell you without a doubt - overwhelmingly yes. Man I am more f*cked up about this than even I realized.

7:14 p.m. - 2019-01-13


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