curious-me's Diaryland Diary


A weekend full of emotions

Last week I got a text from T her 14 year old niece (her husband's brother's child) was tragically killed in a snowmobile accident. She worked on a farm after school with her 16 year old brother. They were coming home on a separate snowmobiles around 8:30 in the evening and she missed the cutoff and tragically her brother was involved in the accident that took her life. The visitation was on Friday and the funeral Saturday. I knew we couldn't be there for the funeral but if we switched things around (skip the lobster lunch) we could go to the visitation. So that's what we did. I was a huge mess of emotions Friday on our drive to the visitation. The only thing I didn't do was cry. I'm weird like that. The place the visitation took place was packed when we got there. It's a farming community so everyone knows everyone and thankfully go and support one another. I had only met the parents a few times in the last decade or so but the mom said my name when I went to reintroduce myself and so did a few other people. I walked out of there and said to Keith how do people remember me? He said you're a memorable person. I'm still not sure what that means. Good? Bad? I'm hoping for the good. Maybe I'm just in awe that people have a way better memory than me. I am horrible with names. I belly dance with a woman every week and most times we meet up I don't remember her name til half way thru the class.

After the sadness of the visitation Keith and I got on the road to start our little mini road trip. I had considered cancelling it but everything was non-refundable at this point plus Keith needed a little cheering up of his own. He found out last week that due to diabetes complications he needs to get needles in his eyes. If he doesn't he can go blind. We found out it's $2000 an eye and he needs them in both eyes once a month for at least the next 4 months. We were freaking out - me quietly so as not to alarm him. Thankfully we found out that my work benefits cover 100% of it. But he is still working thru the emotions of having to get needles in his eyes. I do not blame him that is some scary shit. His mom before she passed away had to get this done. She was petrified of needles but did it. Keith also has a fear of needles but really who wouldn't have a fear of getting needles in their eyes? He's going thru the range of emotions in accepting this.

I had given myself a talking to the night before our road trip while I was at the gym. I tend to encompass other people's grief. I not only feel sad for them I take on their sadness as well. I put myself in their shoes so to speak. I imagine the grief they must feel and how awful it is. I then can't shake off the sadness and I can't feel happy. I feel guilty for being happy. I told myself that it's okay to be sad for this girl and her family. It's okay to give into the grief while I am at the visitation but I cannot absorb it. I was way more eloquent in the moment while giving myself this talking to. I had to give myself permission to feel happy and be in the moment for the weekend.

It took a while to shake off the heaviness of the afternoon but I did feel better after giving both T, her hubby and their kids a hug. Keith and I did end up having a nice weekend. We criss crossed the country and had nice travelling weather. I did have a lobster lunch the next day. I may have made Keith feel bad as he gave me a V day card that you folded and turned into flowers and a small bag of chocolate. I gave him a box of his favourite things so basically I love him more - ha. All weekend any antique place we went into he kept encouraging me to look at the rings. On our drive home the last place we stopped I did find a ring that I really liked. It was also only $20 and on sale for 42% off. I'm sure he was very happy about that.

Today I had mentioned visiting my friend who takes care of her mom who had the stroke. I text her but haven't heard back from her. Secretly I'm hoping I can visit her next weekend. I am so tired. I did not sleep well last night. I was up to the wee hours of the morning. I also would love to just decompress for the day and putter around the house getting the stuff that needs to be done done.

I also hope to drag Keith out for a walk this afternoon. We'll see where the day takes us. At least it's a 4 day work week ahead of us. I'm hoping to get my hair cut on Friday if they have an opening. Just a couple inches. Once it gets to my shoulders I tend to wear it back 99% of the time. After the cut I hope to box colour it next weekend - too much grey is shining thru!

Alright time to jump in the shower and get this day started.

10:28 a.m. - 2020-02-17


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries:

In 19 Seconds