curious-me's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------'s an effin' trip eh?

The last time I posted I said I was going to go and watch some tv and go to bed - I didn't - instead I picked up the hand written diary I had found when I was digging around for something in my bedside table. Tonight I picked up the diary again. I have read from the age of 22 - 28. I am just flabbergasted. It honestly feels like I am reading someone else's life. I also realize that my life has revolved around DRAMA.

I had one of the most messed up first relationships ever. So much fighting and arguing and breaking up - for over 6 years! We just wouldn't let go of each other. After that relationship was probably the craziest summer of my life in which I had men literally chasing after me! I had gone thru most of my life up to that point with very low self esteem (it didn't help that the 1st bf would tell me I was fat - oh teasing of course!). Yah I just wish I could have reached out to that girl and hug her and tell her she was perfect and oh yah pretty damn hot so dump that loser!

I also had a wee problem with 'letting go'. When I moved here I dated P. Things went sour pretty fast. I mean I have read pages and pages where I hated everything about this guy - and his apartment (he smoked and had cats who hated me). There were points I loathed him. He also withheld sex at the end so that was pretty damn frustrating. I finally moved out - after he basically kicked me out - into my first apartment and within days we broke up - ha. THEN I went on this huge "I want him back kick" in my diary. I mean WTF? What was wrong with me? Although if you read the shit about J in previous entries I could only laugh at how much he Annoyed me during this time. Like, I just wanted him out of my face. I needed space after the break up and J would not give it to me. Obv I cam around and then he ditched me - fun!

Yah so my point do I back up this diary?! I love falling down the rabbit hole and reading about your life the good, bad and the ugly. There are details that you forget about. I must admit that my entries have become way more censored from when I first started writing and def from hand written journals. Also? I don't have as much drama as I did which I am gonna say right now I am thankful for! Esp the crying times! Gah! So much crying!

I couldn't help but laugh as I read "I can't believe I"m turning 26 - I"m so old!". That was almost exactly 20 years ago as I"ll be turning 46 in a few months! F....udge.

Also just out of curiosity do all men get melancholy and grumpy? It seems all the ones I dated (and married!) do! Granted Keith is mostly tired and broken from his job but damn he used to be a fun-ner guy when we first got together! I do wish he had a less demanding job and with regular hours would be the cherry on top.

A 3 day weekend lies ahead for me. I am beyond happy. It's not even supposed to be that nice - 2 days of rain and 1 day of sunshine. Tomorrow is the sunshine day. We'll see if it happens. I sure hope it does cause we have plans to go visit T and her family. It will be nice to sit out in the sunshine and just shoot the shit. I am pretty sure Keith is sick and tired of just shooting the shit with just me. Friends are important.

I had a movie night planned tonight. That plan is scrapped. I finished another book today. I think that makes 10 in the last 2 months. I now don't feel so bad when everyone talks about all the shows they've watched!

The last couple days have been rainy and I have done way less walking. I"ve also not felt the best as I started a new medication that replaced one that I was on. It had a few unsavoury side affects that made me happy to be working from home!

My window is open which is nice except the effin traffic is so loud. It's like everyone without a muffler and every motorcycle is driving by my house. AND just why are there so many people out? The restrictions haven't been lifted that much and yet the traffic non stop this late at night?

Alright time to end this entry here and now before I start shaking my fist in the air and going on some real rants! I need to end on something good....ummm....

I started another book this evening and it has already grabbed my attention which is always a plus!

10:32 p.m. - 2020-05-15


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