curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Reflections.....not just a January thing.

T minus 2 days before it's my birthday. I used to think that I went away on my solo vacation as a treat to myself etc but I realized I am pretty sure I go away a week or so before my b-day as a way to deal with getting older. For real. It's almost like I reflect back on the year I have had and come to terms with where I am at in my life. I think about the fact that I will never have children and how I feel about that. Where my marriage is at. It's an interesting week. Sometimes I delve too deep - thinking about death and loss and I have to pull back. This is after all a vacation. Normally this deep thinking is done in the evenings while I watch the sunset and stare at the Lake and listen to the waves crashing onto the shore. It wasn't until this year that I realized this has been a pattern. Some years I have become tearful in my musings this year I was more accepting about where I am in life.

During the day I normally sit on the beach and read and swim and just relax. Oh ho not this year! The weather had other ideas! It was flippin' cold! Fine chilly. I did not go in the water once. I sat on the beach sporadically and normally while wearing the new sweatshirt I had bought. I did a lot of shopping. I bought my annual birthday ring - this year 2 but they were cheapie little ones under $20 each so I'm ok with that. I drove one day to a couple nearby antique places. It's interesting because I am by nature a shy person. I hate walking into a building or a house and not knowing what to expect. I easily turn red if the attention is on me. Which is why I force myself to put myself in these situations. I wanted to go out to these antique places but I dragged my feet when I made plans to go. I wasn't sure where I was going and once there I wasn't sure the protocol or what was open and I felt a bit anxious. But I have realized that I can't let myself give in to these emotions and feelings. So I push myself. I push myself to get in my car and drive to my destination and then once there get out and even talk to people. At the end of the day I am always happy that I did it. It sounds silly but it's true.

I"m not sure if the place I stayed at it did it for everyone but they gave me $75 in tourism dollars as a gift. They did screw up my reservation but all had turned out fine so I wasn't sure if that was why. I had thought at first it was just restaurants but it was also a few stores as well. I spent $50 and hope to go back with Keith at the end of September to celebrate our anniversary. He reminded me it's near his eye appointment - the needles - so we'll have to play it by ear. Regardless the tourism bucks was much appreciated.

The last day - Friday - turned out to be the best day weather wise. I actually sat on the beach and took off my sweat shirt! I stayed til almost 3 and then drove home to be with my husband.

On Saturday Keith and I had plans to meet my younger brother and his family around 5 for an escape room and dinner. I had figured Keith would come home from work and take a nap so he'd be good to stay up late. Instead he came out and whisked me away for the day going to some of our favourite stores that we haven't been to in months. We had a lovely day together and then met up with my fam as planned. I feel so grateful to have a family that takes time from their busy lives (and yah this family is a busy one) to drive over halfway to spend time and celebrate my birthday. It may be the fact that I am getting older but it really does make me verklempt. I just can't express how much it means to me without sounding overly emotional!

So that's been my week. Tomorrow is back to real life. Back to work. Back to the mundane. I ordered a key board tray for our kitchen table that clamps on and it is supposed to come by the end of the week. I have a knot in my upper back/neck that will not go away.

I have a few fun things planned but I will speak more about them after they happen -don't want to jinx them.

And Neeks if you are reading this I feel you about not putting out halloween this year! Keith is crushed. He Loves decorating and goes all out - just the one night and this year he was looking forward to it even more as it's on a Saturday and he wouldn't have to worry about work and being tired. But we have decided not to decorate. BUT I did get excited at the thought of your barbie condo getting decorated and the costumes you are going to have fun finding (or making)! I can't wait to see them all.

All right time to go and not get ready for work tomorrow. I had big plans of getting my work area ready and cleaning up etc but I know that ain't gonna happen. I just hope I can get to sleep before 1am tonight! I also hope I am able to get up and walk tomorrow morning because exercise and eating healthy took a backseat this past week!

7:39 p.m. - 2020-09-13


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