curious-me's Diaryland Diary


The fears we don't face become our limits

What am I doing right now? I am measuring my purse. It can't be over a certain size. Tomorrow evening I am driving into Toronto and going to see Mr Bolton once again. It's not his tour concert. It is a charity event with Kenny G. I found out about this the day I got back from MB's last concert 2 weeks ago. I was like WHAT?! And was like ah well too bad I can't go into Toronto and see it. Then I was like - why can't I? I got the money - and oddly enough since it's for charity it's a tax donation so I get a receipt. But my biggest hang up was going solo.

Here's the thing - as you may have learned I go plenty of places by myself. I can drive for hours and hours and be ok with that. In fact I love it. But driving into the big city is scaring the shit out of me. I fear getting lost. I fear trying to find parking and being frustrated and angry and scared. But that is exactly why I'm going. As I sat and debated about buying a ticket I didn't like that fear was holding me back. I don't like letting fear rule my life. So I'm going to face it.

Keith was like what's the big deal you've gone to Toronto by yourself for training for work? But that was different. I was driving to a hotel - parking at said hotel - and I felt safe. But driving to a venue I've never attended and dealing with finding parking close by and hopefully not paying an arm and a leg has just left me filled with anxiety. So I've decided to try and not think about it! I looked at the map with Keith noted my route and will just let the chips fall where they may. I am going super early - hey more money for parking! - but will be at the event with plenty of time to spare. I am taking the afternoon off work and will leave around 2. The event is at 7. It's about 1.5 to 2 hours with traffic. See? Plenty of time! Hm maybe too much time. I may have to leave a bit later. Ah but the fun with T dot traffic is leave too late and you are sitting in bumper to bumper traffic for hours and hours. Construction - accidents - it's a nightmare.

Ok enough of that. Tonight I will just concentrate on what I am going to wear and which purse I can bring!

I had a 3 day weekend. I took the Friday off as one of my random vacation days. I told Keith I do that because I didn't really book any vacation weeks this summer then I was like oh wait I got a week off in July, a week in August and a week in September. Huh. I guess I did book time off! Good thing I get 6 weeks vacation! Poor guy only gets 3 weeks so I zipped my mouth.

It was a pretty social weekend too. Friday I went out with T and her daughter to a strawberry social event that was super lame but we had fun anyway. Stayed up talking to T til midnight then zoomed home super tired. Saturday Keith and I went out and spent a bunch of money and then later that evening went to my friend's house. It was our first time visiting them and hanging out as couples. We stayed there til midnight! It was a fun evening. Today was a lazy day and finally around 1 I went outside to read for a while in the sun and my neighbour came by and asked if we wanted to hang out with them in their hot tub so we donned our suits and headed over for the next few hours. It was a fun weekend! OH I did call my dad and wish him a happy father's day! We saw them last week and had an early celebration then.

Tonight I zoomed with my mom - but didn't tell her about T dot - she's a worrier and would have had me texting her when I got home late tomorrow night. I will be fine. I know it. But I am proud of myself for facing this fear. The older I get the more I find I need to do this. It reminds me of when I went para-sailing in Mexico. I was scared shitless but then I was like it's now or never missy - you going to let fear hold you back? You got this!

9:37 p.m. - 2022-06-19


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries:

In 19 Seconds