curious-me's Diaryland Diary

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...you'll realize the endless night was only a moment in time

So yes I AM going to complain about the stupid hot weather! The only time I enjoy blistering hot muggy weather is when I am on vacation beside a large cool body of water where I can dunk this bodacious bod in at 20 minute intervals...oh and cold drinks at my disposal is also a must. Unless those are the circumstances I am really not keen on sweating like a beast and being soaked through within 10 minutes of leaving my house. There I said it. Yah I complained when it was too cold too but mother nature is just being a bitch. Oh sure I could have gone to the beach on Saturday when it was muggy as hell except THUNDER SHOWERS were the risk of the day and just in case she thought we weren’t taking her serious with these ‘risks’ she made it known quite early in the day by cracking the ol’ thunder and opening up the sky that yes indeedy the beach was not in the equation for the day.

But the weather sort of matched my mood this weekend – mixed bag. In the dark of the night on Saturday Keith and I had probably a 10 ten worst moment of our marriage/relationship. The depression and lack of emotion/feeling just opened a void between us that at one point I thought we would never be able to patch and would be the end of our marriage. Yes it was that serious. In the dark of the night we cried, we talked and eventually in the wee hours of the morning we fell asleep in each other’s arms. It is so ironic that we are close to getting his knee fixed and getting him back out in the work force when this is all coming to a head but I found out that his left knee has become much much worse due to not being able to walk properly and he is very concerned about that one going too. He also felt very unworthy and in his words ‘useless’. It just about broke my heart in two. The man lives with pain on a daily basis, I cut my finger and I bitch and whine like I had an amputation. Anyway I could go on for pages but suffice to say I think we are in a better place. I am not naïve enough to believe that we ‘solved’ everything and now things will be great. It was a scary moment when I thought I was facing the end of my marriage. It is not something I want to feel ever again.

My dad called us on the weekend when we were out and asked us to call him about ‘something’. The man had me worried with his tone of voice. I immediately called – apparently they want to give us their car. It is old. It’s a 2002 Echo. It has a ton of km but this car just keeps on going. It has no bells and whistles but gets amazing mileage. My parents are getting a new car and rather than trade it in for $500 they would certify it, fix a few things and give it to us – free. To say my parents are generous is an understatement. Of course then we also had to fill them in on part of our financial issues – we can’t accept the car til after Keith sends in his tax assessment info – as they ask for all our assets. Three cars doesn’t look too good. We plan on fixing up our Pontiac and selling it – not sure how much we will get but we already know the buick is not sellable – it has shifting issues that no one would touch plus it’s an old beast of a car. I’m sure after getting off the phone with us last night my dad was like ‘how bad are they off financially?’. Bad dad. Bad. As I told Keith during our talk I don’t care if we have to sell our house and move but we can’t sit and worry about it. We just have to keep going – fill out the paper work – send it in – wait for them to respond – we just have to deal with it as it comes. I was serious about the house – yes it would suck but essentially the house is a ‘thing’. We are lucky enough that if the worst ever happened to us we have friends and family around that would help us. Maybe not financially but with a place to store our stuff or host us for a bit. We are not without options is what I am trying to say. I tried so hard to get Keith to see that. It is our choice how we face this difficult time.

I am exhausted writing about that topic so let’s talk about the weather again! I am peeved that it is so wickedly hot that I cannot walk on my lunch hours. I feel SO much better when I exercise. I think I am going to have to check out the indoor track by my house and see what it’s like – it was an ice rink not sure if they would still have the ice? Will it be cool? Freezing cold? That would be interesting go from hot as hell to freezing and then back again when I leave. But I gotta do it, I need to exercise for my sanity! Or what's left of it!

8:01 p.m. - 2013-06-25

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