curious-me's Diaryland Diary


the real entry is in the last paragraph

I can move today. Which either means I didn't work it hard enough in the kardio knockout class or my body's getting use to it. I go for the first one. But I did sweat like a pig although my punches could have had more...punch. To make up for not going Monday I made S do like half an hour cardio on top of the one hour class. I'm a tyrant. Afterwards I went home and made some low fat banana bread with chocolate chips of course cause everything tastes better with chocolate.

That was a close call. A co- worker just came up behind me and was pretending to read over my shoulder - ha ha very funny. Although I shouldn't be typing right now but rules are made to be broken right?

I have one fingernail painted blue. I'm trying to find shades of blue that will match my made of honor dress. This is a little too funky but I like it.

So earlier, I had a normal conversation with the cute single co-worker guy. I was probably beat red the whole time but at least I didn't trip over my own feet. We basically bitched about the amount of work my team has and how my boss is a complete idiot - everyone thinks so. I am the worst for one on one conversations. I'm self concious the whole time. I'm picturing lipstick on my teeth, my lips are chapped, my hair is messy, my glasses are smudged, I have a huge zit on my face....something...anything. I just can't be comfortable enough to sit there and talk especially to strangers....especially to guys. Sigh. I really have to work on being outgoing if I ever want to have children.

Oh and to end this entry since I didn't want to spend the whole of it talking about this topic. J and I spoke last night. He's "seeing" someone. My heart, which was healing quite nicely, re-opened a tiny tear and I lost it. I hung up from him quite civilly - although I pretty much disinvited him to my turkey dinner whenever that takes place. But I didn't call him a fucking asshole and slam the phone down. Nope I said goodbye civily and then hung up and cried. I called my friend T who convinced me not to call him back and yell at him. Thank goodness cause I was quite close. I don't want to give him that power over me. You know he'd feel a smugness knowing that what he does affects me so much. Basically I'm at the point right now that I hate him. I hate him for hurting me. I hate him for continuing on with his life even after he said he probably wouldn't date for several months. Well my math isn't that good but two months doesn't equal several no matter which way you put it. As I said last night to T, I hope he gets hurt - bad - by this girl. I hope he feels a lot of pain. Basically I hope he goes to's what he deserves. Have I mentioned I hate him?

2:42 p.m. - 2003-02-05


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