curious-me's Diaryland Diary


March...comes in with a punch (3 of them in a row)

I debated on writing today. I'm not in the best of moods. I know! I'm surprised too. I mean, it is March! Isn't this the month when things start to pick up? Huh...well things started out with a bang at least. Let's see Friday night I started drinking by myself, eventually T came over and we got shit faced together, then S came and she stayed sober since she had a big meal. We finished whoring ourselves up and sat around and drank some more. I eventually read them my recent poem "Goodbye". I'm not one to read my poetry to others since I get embarrased to easily. This goes to show how drunk I was. I spoke to J briefly that night (he asked me when I called my brother). He spoke to me about the money he owes me and that he's not sure he can start paying back. I told him that was fine and that I just didn't want him spending his extra money on his new girlfriend. He said he wouldn't. It crushed me that he didn't deny he had a new girlfriend. T told me to get over it. She's good like that. So I drank some more and we left for the bar around midnight. The bar was dead. But I didn't care cause it was country and I was having a good time. S was feeling bad cause her face has broken out in zits and she feels unattractive. But she was the first to be asked to dance so T and I felt good for her. Then T was asked to dance...and yah eventually me. The single one last - what are the odds? We ended up meeting two guys who bought us a few drinks and wanted us to go back to their place to keep drinking when the bar closed. Luckily, S was sober so we didn't go back. This was my first taste with the flirting scence. I suck. But I'm learning. We headed back to my place after stopping at Taco Bell and scrapping together enough money for 2 combos. I ate a taco and then just went to bed. I found out the next morning T stayed over. Yah I'm considerate that way. We both felt like complete crap. We actually think we might have still been drunk the next morning. Needless to say I left an hour and a half later than I was supposed to. Then on the way to the car I dropped my discman and completely broke it. It wasn't a cheep one either - I was pissed. But still hungover so I didn't freak out to much.

My brother was in good spirits. He had decided to not re-new his lease with J and had even told him the night before. Apparently J took it well. On the way down to my parents my car started acting up. It took us almost twice as long to get there since I had to keep stopping as my car stalled every time I slowed down. Nice. So, let's recap - hungover, broken discman, and now a broken car.

Luckily the weekend didn't get any worse. Being around my parents bring out the best in me. My brother finished my cd he was making for me and put it on his MP3 player since my discman was dead. It's a rockin' cd. It's all about girl power and it makes me feel like I will survive - which is a song on the cd by the way.

I made the mistake on the way home to ask my bro about J's new girlfriend. Why? Because obviously I like pain. He described her and she sounds nice I guess. Which, of course, depressed me. I'm fighting to get over this guy and he's moved on so fast I wonder if he ever even loved me. T said that I better not get back with him - ever. Part of me thinks it could happen. But the rational, sane part knows that this guy completely knocked my world off it's axis in a bad way and I could never trust him and his pretty words. So I want to move on -badly. In good news I had a dream that I made out with a guy I didn't know - not J! Although last night in my dream, J was trying to make out with me and I kept saying no cause he had a girlfriend. Hmmm now that I think about it - that was a good dream too....saying no and moving on. Wunderbar.

Last night I didn't do much except curl up on the couch in blankets and plenty of sweaters. It seems I left all my windows open over the weekend cause it was so nice...of course it was minus 35 last night - not so nice anymore. My apartment did not get warm until this morning.

So that's where my life stands at the beginning of March. I think I honestly thought that once March came in I would have a whole new attitute and I would magically be happy. Guess life doesn't work that way. So I guess I just keep putt-ing on. Keeping my eyes on the goal ahead of me - happiness. Maybe I'll blame the start of the month on PMS. That works.

Did I mention that the first song I dance to at the bar with a guy was "Amazed" by Lonestar. Mine and J's song. Yup it was. Irony.

1:33 p.m. - 2003-03-03


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