curious-me's Diaryland Diary


Spring Fever

WHEW!! That is a big old sigh of relief. My dad is okay. I can breath deeply again. My brother and I made it home Friday night around 8 or so. My mom was there. She seemed lonely but in good spirits. We played a quick game of scrabble and then sent her to bed. Saturday morning we visited my dad and he was hooked up to a few machines and he wasn't allowed to have any food or drink - ice chips only. The man was thirsty and starving. I felt so bad for him. Of course then my mother, brother and I went out to lunch at a chinese buffet - I felt guilty. We went back to the hospital after taking a short walk in the sunshine and didn't stay too long. My dad was grumpy and tired from all his walking - plus no food in the system will do that to you. I had told my mom that morning that I was staying there until Sunday and skipping S's party. I felt very good about that decision. I could tell she appreciated it. She would never ask me to stay or change my plans. Saturday night we played a few games of scrabbled and watched "About a Boy". I had to make my mom watch it - she enjoyed it. Sunday we went to church (where I nearly fell asleep - the minister was sooo boring - and of course my imagination seemed to have fallen asleep cause I couldn't think of any good stories in my head). Then we continued on to the hospital and found my dad lying on the bed dressed. He wanted to leave the hospital. Eventually the doctor made his way to my dad. The doctor asked my dad how he was doing with eating and if everything was okay. He told the doctor that he hadn't had anything to eat in over a week. The doctor said he was supposed to start eating soft foods on Saturday. I was ready to spit nails. My poor dad was starving and these frigging people couldn't get it right? He begged the nurses for anything - water, juice, anything! They said no he wasn't allowed. We sneaked him a popsicle and a apple juice. But damnit the incompitence was inexcusable. I know there's a nurses shortage. I know they are overworked. But my dad asked for one thing he was allowed to have - mouth wash. He would use it to rinse his mouth and it made it feel fresh and not so cotton mouthy. It was this tiny bottle. He asked for Saturday afternoon while we were there. Sunday morning it was still a no show. The man asked for one thing and they couldn't even do that for him. My parents are too nice. I was ready to ring the doctor's neck and the nurses for that matter. They all acted so nonchelant (sp?) that my dad didn't get any food when he was supposed to. He was released that day. Thank God. I would have to stay to fight his battles. I will not put up with that. When the doctor was questioning him about the food etc. my brother and I were gasping and then making remarks - we weren't being rude - we were honestly surprised and disturbed by this whole event. But my dad is home. He is doing well. I can be happy about that. Now my poor mom has to be the nurse but at least I know my dad will get fed!

So I brought home my new car yesterday. It is a sweet thing. Drives like a dream. I got into town and immediately washed it. I called around to S and T - they weren't home. I went home and felt sorry for myself for about 2 minutes and then headed to the gym. Everyone was out because of the spring weather and it hit me hard that I have no 'other' to be out with. Even my friends are busy so it's not even like I can do the friend thing. So I went to the gym then came home and watched some taped tv shows that have been building up. I had given up on S calling me back but then around 8 o'clock she called and we went out for coffee. She saw my car and was surprised and totally loved it. We caught up. Her party was a bust. T didn't go. It was only her, her fiancee and his friends. They played video games all night.

Last week I read some online personal ads. They were weird. I think they were an 'anything goes' kind of thing. There's a lot of married men wanting to get it on with other men in my area let me tell you. There was one guy my age who just wanted strings...I was tempted...but stepped back. Although that was before the spring fever hit. I'm tempted to put a personal ad out there. I've been writing it in my head. I would obviously want something casual and not heavy. I wouldn't go all out and say 'sex only' - I'd probably get a lot of responses... but probably not of the desirable kind! We'll see.

Yah so I'm trying not to think too hard about what today is. Surpisingly (and I'm gonna regret writing this) I'm doing pretty good. Considering it would have been J and mine's two year anniversary. I of course have only myself to blame for having it on this day. He wanted to start dating me but I wasn't ready so one day off the cuff I said let's start dating on St. Patty's day - and it was a few weeks away so I thought I was being smart. Yah I'm paying for that mistake. I suck with dates but somehow I think this will be one I'll remember for a long time. But like I said I'm not doing to bad. Time...hmmm maybe it does heal all wounds. I'm a far way from feeling "healed" but at least it's not like it was in the beginning. I took my Pepsi sweater back last night. My brother told me to just 'let it go'. I didn't need a reminder of J. But I told him that it actually reminded me of my first ex Rob. I just can't use initial's anymore unless it's a unique name. Yah Rob and I dated for 7 years. We're good friends now. We got a crap load of pepsi stuff when they had the pepsi points years ago. We totally cashed in. Yah so the sweater doesn't remind me of J, it reminds me of Rob and I can deal with that. J wasn't home when I took it. I sincerely doubt he'll notice. Hey I need it for the next guy I date! Heh.

Yah so I was walking down the street today and every once in a while I'd catch a glance here or there of guys. I'm not saying they were looking at me or anything like that. But you know it was a beautiful day and every once in a while I'd clash gazes with different men. I would totally turn away. Totally. I would think, why are they looking at me? Do I look funny? Are these glasses hideous? Are they looking at my zits? Do I have liptstick smeared on my face? Yah so these are the thoughts running through my head just when I clash gazes with men! Now you see why I need help. I think the best way to meet someone, for me, is on line. I'm much better with communication via email - when we first meet. I'm not a clam when we do it's just there's more of a comfort level.

Okay so I'm rambling here. I could go on for the rest of the afternoon. But I won't. I didn't want to think about this meeting men and dating again so least not for another few weeks or so....damn this spring weather.

Betcha I'm the first person to say that! : )

2:03 p.m. - 2003-03-17


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